The Voice

Posted by: admin  :  Category: Neuro Semantics, NLP, Personal Development

You get up in the morning and the first thing you hear is that familiar voice that you heard last night before you fell asleep, tired and exhausted. In fact you realize that you feel the same way as you did when you fell asleep last night, tired and exhausted! THE VOICE in your head, perhaps in mono or stereo, whispers and then shouts out a self condemning mantra, a litany of self depreciating accusations, judgments, “shoulds”  and doubts that leaves you feeling terribly discounted!

 

A prominent and successful lawyer receives a phone call from a potential client, asking for much needed help which he is specialized and experienced in and suddenly, THE VOICE starts saying, “What if I make the wrong call? What if this time you fail? You have before. You are a terrible lawyer, how on earth did you decide to become one in the first place?”

 

A successful professional sales person receives news that a deal he has been working on for the past 3 weeks fell through and, despite his 25 years of success in the field, he hears THE VOICE saying, “You are a looser. You just can’t cut those big deals any more, can you? You’ll never be able to, you were just lucky the last time. Its time to quit before you face more shame and humiliation, you stupid, good for nothing looser!”

 

An attractive teenager looks at herself in the mirror and hears THE VOICE, “Look at yourself; you are so fat, ugly and short. Everybody around you is attractive accept you. You’ll never be attractive or find a boy friend.”    

 

Have you heard THE VOICE? Some call it the Inner Critic, that nagging voice which stands out and grabs out attention, which has been with us for as long as we can remember. It brings with it a vague to harsh feelings of discomfort as it spits out a caustic commentary of our flaws, doubts and uselessness, putting us down 24/7.  

 

 

“There is only one wound of the mental body, and that is the wound of self-criticism or self-judgment”

-Dick Olney

 

THE VOICE, or our Inner Critic, is something many of us carry in our heads. It’s not a strange phenomenon, an indication that we are mentally ill or “crazy”. It’s pretty normal but it can plague us with massive discomfort, doubts and insecurity no matter how successful, experienced, attractive and talented we maybe. When left unchecked, it can short circuit our plans to realize our dreams for happiness, joy and spontaneity. It kills creativity, experimentation and subdues our quest for mastery, “straight jacketing” us in a world preoccupied with our flaws and choked with unrealistic expectations.

 

“You had a friend who talked to you like you sometimes talk to yourself, would you continue to hang around with that person?”

-Rob Bremer

 

Have you heard THE VOICE?

  

The question to be asked is, “Is you Inner Critic harsh?” Here in lies the dilemma. For many of us, THE VOICE has been our only mental compass for as long and we can remember. We somehow inherited it from our past and many believe that it is responsible for whatever they have achieved thus far. Some successful folks I know seem to attribute their success to it but, it plagues their future endeavors with harsh judgments, impossible standards and unrelenting fear!

 

“Self-criticism or self-judgment is self-hatred. It will always hurt you. There is no exception to that.”

-Dick Olney

 

So, when is THE VOICE deemed “too critical”? Well, if you are experiencing some of the symptoms voiced above, your Inner Critic may just be pushing you around and punching you silly with unrealistic and dehumanizing expectations, harsh judgments and paralyzing fears.  Another way you can answer this question is to do the simple assessment below. Go head and spend some time answering it.

 

    

 

 

Welcome back. So have you got your score? If you Inner Critic is not harsh, just quite reading this blog for this week and take a chill pill, you are doing fine. If not, read on. Now, our task is not to go on a psychological archeology of our past to see how we inherited our Inner Critic. That’s a total waste of time, trust me. In fact, it can even make things worse! So relax, love and embrace yourself as you are now and just follow the steps below:

 

 

1. Start by first embracing, accepting and appreciating THE VOICE, your Inner Critic. Realize that they are just thought. They are not you. You are more than your thoughts, emotions, habits and behaviors. Become aware and stay awake to this truth.  

  

“Your thoughts come automatically. It is to the extent you identify with them that they make you their slave. You become the mistress of your thoughts, not when you can control the machine, but when you do not identify with it.”

-Dick Olney

 

2. Track up and identify the “higher positive intentions” of these critical thought. For example, if you have the unrealistic expectation to get things perfectly right the first time, tracking its higher positive intention may just lead you to the positive intention and desire to do things right, not to waste time or resources or maybe even to learn to do something well. If it tells you that you are stupid, well the positive intention maybe to help you avoid errors.

 

3. Pull out this “positive intention” and claim it. This itself will start to silence THE VOICE, your Inner Critic, especially if you are in the habit of getting into a dialogue or argument with it. Incidentally, did I mention never to do such a thing?  Don’t waste your time because you’ll always end up loosing! 

 

4. Next, evaluate the harsh judgments, meanings, the impossible standards, values, criteria and the fears. Are they arbitrary, unrealistic, irrational, superstitious, cruelly inhuman or fair? My guess it that they are arbitrary, unrealistic, irrational, superstitious, and cruelly inhuman! If they are, erase these judgments, impossible standards and courageously push the superstitious fears aside. Remember that you have already claimed their “positive intentions” and rendered them powerless.

 

5. Redefine and set new standards, values, expectations, judgments, criteria, understandings and meaning that are yours and that fit your reality, one that’s fair and kind. NOW TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEM. Own them.

 

6. Embrace fallibility. Welcome it and make it part of your being, part of being you. Then bless all your redefined standards, values, expectations, judgments, criteria and understandings with them.

 

7. Next, bless them with a sense of flexibility, fun, adventure and a commitment to lovingly grow and evolve, actualizing your unique potential, individuality, character, personality and voice. 

 

8. Now dress these up as your new warm, approachable, fair, positive, truthful, compassionate, forgiving, caring, loving, considerate, accepting, courageous, supportive, assertive, calm, smiling, knowledgeable best friend who has all the “higher positive intentions” in mind for you. This is your NEW VOICE; give it a cheerful, encouraging and embracing tone. Hear it, feel it and see it in your head, in your entire neurology. See it being your new loving companion in the days, weeks and years to come. Does it feel ecological? If it does, enjoy this newness, warmness and comfort of your NEW VOICE.

                

“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart.  Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”

 -Carl Jung

 

Keep nurturing this NEW VOICE, your new Inner Cheer Leader, guide and best friend. Imagine how much better and richer your life and experiences would be, the fun, excitement, adventure and spontaneity it would generate deep within your neurology. The deep sense of peace and fulfillment you’ll encounter in the quest to actualize your best and highest intentions in a loving and gentle way that embraces your fallibility and esteems your integral worth and value as a human person not only created in the image of the divine but whose presence dwells within. This will be your NEW VOICE.

 

 

“Om Namah Shivaya, meaning,

I honor the divinity that resides within me.”

— Elizabeth Gilbert

 

There’s just one more thing you can do. Inoculate your self from the negative suggestions, “shoulds” and “musts” of others. How do you do that? By simply learning to build healthy and strong external boundaries that differentiates the opinions, values, expectations and beliefs of others from yours. Never allow others to impose their maps on you and neither should you. Inoculate yourself too from your old harsh and cruel inner critic, ignore it as it looses its hold and grip on you. This is how you build strong internal boundaries. Want an example of how this is done? Simple watch the clip below and see how Smeagol does it. One last thing though……

 

Have you heard your NEW VOICE?

 

A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner:

“Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time.”

When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, ”The one I feed the most.”

- Native American Wisdom

 

 


 

Stay committed to transcending, transforming and transferring value back to your world!

 

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Conrad Rozario is the founder of Alchemy Resources, a cutting edge human potential and peak performance development company. He has more than 15 years experience in people development from the diverse fields of Sales, Marketing, Customer Engagement and Service, Business Management and Talent Development. He is a Certified & Licensed Neuro Semantics  and Neuro-Linguistics Programming (NS-NLP) Trainer from the International Society of Neuro – Semantics, USA, a Master Practitioner in Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS, USA) and a Language and Behavior Profiling for Coaching Practitioner. He holds a MBA from Gordon University, Illinois, USA and he is currently based in Malaysia.
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