Staying Alive!

Posted by: admin  :  Category: Neuro Semantics, NLP, Personal Development

I remember this incident that took place a few of years ago. I was then contemplating to become a Certified NLP – Neuro Semantic Licensed Trainer with another Meta Master Practitioner.  Part of me wanted to do it badly; it was something I had dreamt about since my first NLP Practitioner Certification (yes, I have done a couple of those!). Why? Simply because NLP – Neuro Semantic worked. It helped me become aware of how I was currently running my brains (ok, how I had allowed others to run it!) and created my meanings. More importantly, it equipped me with the necessary resources, skills, strategies, models and patterns to take charge of my meaning making powers, run my own brains, manage my state and tailor my behavior to meet my highest and best intentions!       

Another part of me, however, resisted signing up and taking the plunge. I was afraid of attending the course, afraid of being evaluated, examined, pushed and stretched to meet the strict benchmarks set by Dr. Michael Hall PhD, the founder of Neuro Semantics. Have no doubt, I wanted to become a Licensed and Certified Trainer but I feared the cost I would have to pay it, for success. So I kind of created a limiting frame of mind about how difficult and challenging succeeding was going to be; how much I would have to sacrifice and pay for my fees, flight and accommodation, be benchmarked in front of strangers, sit for a written examination, complete a modeling project, draw up a business plan, etc. In short, I was afraid of succeeding. Setting up “residence” in the uncomfortable “stretch zone” of growth and self actualization sounded too scary.    

“Half of the failures in life come from pulling one’s horse when he is leaping.”

-Thomas Hood    

 So I began playing movies of pain in my mind, recalling memories of my past disappointments, of my incompetency and how I am at my worst! As you can guess, when you approach anything  with such a frame of mind, of what you are like at your worst, you are bound to play it safe, put an end to growth, avoid the “stretch zone” and auction away your dreams, passion and highest and best intentions! This is certainly not the way of staying alive, for staying alive to ones dreams and passion!    
    

What I discovered is that the “fears success” is real and affects most of us at some stage of our life. This “fear of success” brings with itself a “family of cognitive limitations” which includes, but is not limited, to the following:    

   

  • A sense of not being worth it, of not deserving to be successful and living our dreams.  Perhaps we have arrived at such conclusions because of past disappointments or set backs which we took as feedback indicating that we were of little or no worth.   
  • That success is impossible for oneself personally! Yes, we may get lucky occasionally but to consciously apply oneself to attain ones outcome is impossible.
  • Believing that we lack the caliber and capability to be exceptional. That succeeding would demand too much of us simply because we lacked the capacity, talent and skills required. That we lack the “mental and emotional fuel” for the work of excellence which requires practice, learning, sacrifice, discipline, focus and learning from our mistakes. 
  • That it the cost would be too much. In what way? In the way that our current reality or status quo already offers us some positive outcome and the striving after something new, though exciting, may rob us of our current sense of equilibrium. So, we say that “it costs too much” and settle for less.  

   

 

The fear of success is more subtle and destructive than its notorious sibling, the fear of failure! How so? Well, one can certainly “huff and puff” and claim to want something badly, to confidently desire success but give “water proof” excuses that sound socially acceptable to mask hidden fears and avoid taking the plunge! We have all heard such lines before; “I wanted/ desired/ actually planned to __________ but __________ maybe when the time is right, I’ll__________.” How destructive can it be?   It’ll stop us from staying alive to our inner vision of what we are truly are capable of achieving and realizing. It is the road that leads to the abortion of our gifts and talents at the alter of indifference and inertia!     

   

“What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?”

-Vincent van Gogh

 

So what steps we can take to overcome our fear of success? Firstly we need to identify and recognize the AREAS OF OUR LIFE where such fears exist. Then we can ask ourselves these questions:  

    

  • What am I truly afraid of? What “stretching” am I avoiding in choosing not to succeed? Imagine the greater loss of the loss of self respect, self efficacy and confidence in not succeeding.
  • What are the risks you are afraid of taking? Are they based on irrational/ superstitious presumptions? (Example: If I try and do not succeed, I’ll bring shame to my family. I can’t risk shaming my family.)     
  • In what ways do I feel undeserving of success? How did I arrive at such a conclusion/ belief? Who told you so? According to who’s perception of your true value and worth? Remember that the past does not equal the future! The past is simply what it is, the past. 
  • What are the benefits of my current situation that I am afraid of loosing, that will be lost when I achieve the success I desire? What are the costs and benefits of your success? Deal with them and move on.

  

“Come to the edge,” he said.

They said: “We are afraid.” “Come to the edge,” he said. They came.

He pushed them …. and they flew.”

- Guillaume Apollinaire

    

Secondly identify the MEANING that succeeding gives you. This is the power of WHY, the power of our Neuro Semantics! 
Ask yourself:   

  • What does succeeding mean for you? Is this meaning important to you? How important?
  • What would it give you that you other wise would not already have? What would this mean for you? It this meaning important for you? How important? 
  • What would you regret if you choose not to succeed? What would this mean to you today, tomorrow and at the end of your life?

    

“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we often might win, by fearing to attempt.”

-William Shakespeare  

 

Lastly you’ll need to take all the answers to the question above and place them in the context of the answer to this question:    

 

WHAT ARE YOU LIKE WHEN YOU ARE AT YOUR BEST?

 

Ask yourself this question over and over again and access as many memories as you can of what you feel, sound and look like when you are at your best. Access, describe and anchor yourself to this “best state” of yours. Make it your “magical state” you’ll access to take the needed steps in realizing your outcomes. Access it in the future to help you seek solutions to problems, to seek out needed resources, to model the success of others who have achieved what you are aiming for and to remain resolute and determined in your journey to success!

     

 

“Fear of success can also be tied into the idea that success means someone else’s loss. Some people are unconsciously guilty because they believe their victories are coming at the expense of another.”

-Harvey, Joan C. 

   

 Coming back to my own story, well here I am today a Certified and Licensed NLP- Neuro Semantic Trainer under the International Society of Neuro Semantics USA. The journey was challenging, the “stretch” was enormous. I was tested in more way than one BUT I realized my dream, faced my fears and achieved success. When I did, I made myself this promise; I would share my journey, learnings, the technology of NLP and Neuro Semantics to do whatever I could to help others to break free of limiting thoughts, beliefs and states, to help them self actualize, create richer meanings  and achieve the success they deserve! Why? Simply because it has to do with STAYING ALIVE!    

        

The ancient Greek definition of happiness was the full use of your powers along lines of excellence.”

- John F. Kennedy, 1917-1963    

    

 

Who were the folks who were responsible for challenged me to break free of my fears of success? Two persons in particular, first my wife who supported me and encouraged me to quit analyzing and just make it happen, who always recalled all I had already achieved and encouraged me to “ride on” with this confidence and efficacy. The other person is one of my best friends, Mohamed Abdul-Kawy who graduated with me as a Licensed and Certified Trainer. This “big Egyptian” (he’s really an Egyptian!) kept challenging me with these questions: “What’s stopping you? What’s the worst that could happen? What would happen to your dreams and “living your passion” if you did nothing at all? If you did nothing, what would you regret in the days, weeks and months to come? What have you got to loose?” Hey Mohamed, if you are reading this blog, thanks a million. To my wife……I am grateful everyday! My friends, again, why is this so important? Because it’s about STAYING ALIVE and living with passion!           

    

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.    

 Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.     

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.     

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?     

Actually, who are you not to be?    

 Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.     

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are meant to shine, as children do….and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.    

 As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
- Marianne Williamson from ‘A Return to Love’    

    

I trust you’ll love this clip by Veronica and her simple strategies for overcoming fear below. Go ahead, enjoy and  live with passion!    

Stay committed to transcending, transforming and transferring value back to your world! 

Catch new blogs fortnightly at let us know what you think below. 

  
    

 

Conrad Rozario is the founder of Alchemy Resources, a cutting edge human potential and peak performance development company. He has more than 15 years experience in people development from the diverse fields of Sales, Marketing, Customer Engagement and Service, Business Management and Talent Development. He is a Certified & Licensed Neuro Semantics and Neuro-Linguistics Programming (NLP) Trainer from the International Society of Neuro – Semantics, USA, a Master Practitioner in Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS, USA) and a Language and Behavior Profiling for Coaching Practitioner. He holds a MBA from Gordon University, Illinois, USA.

   

 

 

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