Have you met “J”?

Posted by: admin  :  Category: Personal Development

I’ll call him “J”. J is a young and bright looking bloke who has a 10,000 megawatt smile that can light up an island. He works as a supervisor in a huge multinational company and manages a team of 6 people. He is loved by them for his leadership skills, honesty, dependability, genuineness as well as his work competency that is second to none in his department. But when you speak to J about his work, the great job he is doing and his future, he filled with uncertainty, insecurity and doubt!


Here’s the thing with J, everybody on the outside admires his talent, intelligence and human person skills except himself. They swear that the sky is the limit for him. But for J, it is totally in reverse gear! He feels that he is not smart enough lacks the necessary qualifications and has the attitude and confidence of death row prisoner! Have you met a J before?  Perhaps you could be a “J” yourself. I know I was one.


The thing with “J’s” is that though they are capable and may, to some degree, know this, their current actions, habits and attitudes are defined by their past school days and childhood experiences. So that begs the question, what happened in school? What did they learn and did not learn in school? Well like the majority of J that I know, they were repeatedly told by their teachers that they were stupid, uncreative, unorganized, non-mathematical, non-lingual, clumsy, and too playful, had no potential, etc. In short they were given a lethal dose of self doubt that imprinted in their minds the message that no matter how hard they struggled, they will never really succeed or excel. Perhaps the most they will achieve is what the “average Joe” would achieved, but being the best was never going to be possible for them!


Sounds familiar?  Most J’s I know, remember that I was one before, live in the world unaware of this unconscious belief structure. And when this structure is unchallenged, not brought to awareness and strip of it destructive influencing powers, most J’s remain average Joe’s in life, not expressing their full potential, living in perpetual doubt and insecurity. 

In Neuro Semantics and NLP, we know that all performance is state dependent. This means that whenever we perform a task, the references we bring to mind, the mental frames, memories of the past, understandings, values, decisions and meanings, etc. all come together to create an “energy field” or state that will determine the outcome of the current the performance. Now, imagine if this state is a limiting one?


 The solution lies in becoming aware that our history is just that, history. The thoughts that we had about our past experiences are just thoughts, created in our minds and which can be challenged and changed by us. Some of the meanings that we carry in our heads may have been given to us or erroneously formed by us but as HUMAN ADULTS we can give ourselves new meanings. We are meaning making machines, we have meaning making powers and we can choose to create new life enhancing meanings! Why is that important? Simply because we can’t help but perform and live out our meanings.  Toxic or limited meanings produce toxic and limited behavior and performance!


Remember that the past does not equal the future. There is no failure, only feedback. And feedback is only information on how to proceed in a better way in the future, it is never personal.  Our map (internal representations and belief structures) is not the territory; it is but a map, a symbolic representation of the territory…..and that we can change our internal maps! And that people have all the resources they need; they only need to access, strengthen and sequence them and there’s an abundance of personal resources, plenty for all.



Stay committed to transcending, transforming and transferring value back to your world!


Conrad Rozario is the founder of Alchemy Resources. He has more than 14 years experience in Sales, Marketing, Business Management and Talent Development. He holds a MBA from Gordon University, Illinois, is a Certified & Licensed Trainer of Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS, USA), a Master Practitioner in Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS, USA) and a Language and Behavior Profiling for Coaching Practitioner.  You can follow Conrad on facebook!