The P&L of a Blessing

Posted by: admin  :  Category: Neuro Semantics, NLP, Personal Development

Most of us know the meaning of the abbreviation “P & L”.  It simply means “profit and loss” and in business circles it plays a very important role; it indicates the sum total of the revenue, costs and expenses incurred during a specific period of time. In simple terms it’s an income and expenses statement, how much you have spent, given out and how much you have got back, profited. The more the profit outweighs the `expenses and cost, the more profitable is a business. The opposite, on the other hand, simply means that the business is not profitable and is running at a loss.

 

Now, what is the P & L of a blessing, a gift? For me a blessing is also a gift and a gift is also a blessing, both serves as a symbol of gracing someone with the wishes of good health, a good future, good opportunities, prosperity, happiness, etc. So, what is the P & L of a blessing, gift? Strange question, you may ask. But that’s precisely the point…..it’s a strange but real question that most folks ask or have in mind when they are buying someone a gift; “What’s the P & L of this blessing, this gift?”  

 

 

Last weekend my wife and I celebrated the Chinese Lunar New Year and one of the customs practiced during this celebration is the giving of “Ang Pow’s”, which in Chinese means “red envelope or packet”. The packet’s color is to ward off evil spirits and symbolizes the giving of good luck for the coming New Year. What’s put inside is a monetary gift, most of the time in even digits; odd numbered amounts are avoided. Who receives these “Ang Pow’s”? Unmarried folks and ones parents, grand parents or grand aunties (or elderly folks): folks who bear significant emotional significance to the giver. Once one gets married, one is no longer entitled to receive but is now required to give! So, my wife and I fall into the category of “givers”…our receiving days have long since passed.

 

So on the first day of the Dragon New Year something happened that caught my attention. One of my relatives was going around distributing “Ang Pow’s” when she came to a young man who is soon to be married and she told him authoritatively, “This is your last year to get from me. Next year you’ll be married and you must now give, pay back for all the years you have been receiving. Wow, I pity you, so much you’ll have to give!” You can guess the look on this young man’s. He received the red packed with a “put on smile”, similar to the ones we see news casters or presenters wear when they are on the late night shift. Once the giver had moved away, his “put on smile” was replaced with a look of disgust.

 

 

“You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving.”

- Author Unknown

 

I felt a tone of sadness for this young man. Here was an occasion for blessing one another with good wishes, blessings and gifts but it turned sour for him because the “P & L” factor of a blessing, a gift was brought into account! For him, “pay back” time was just around the corner and soon the “Lunar New Year” may just turn out to be a “dreadful celebration” that is no longer joyously anticipated! My wife and I were in a similar situation years ago…the same thing was told to us the year before we got married; some of the “givers” reminded us that “pay back” time was around the corner and that the “P & L” of blessing given over the years will be brought into account!  

 

So, here’s that strange question again: “What’s the P & L of a blessing, a gift?”

 

Most folks do ask this question and would have done the math to calculate the “P & L” of their gift giving in such a way that they would get some returns; be it with a gift, a sense of being viewed by the receiver as being someone generous and benevolent and impressing upon the receiver ones economic and social standing or even to satisfy the “guilt” or “obligation” to follow the “family rules” of giving back to someone a gift that has been received or “compulsory” giving to an “elder” who everybody seems to give which results in the payback of “acceptance” and “inclusion”.

 

Some on the other hand have mastered the “P & L” game of gift giving very well, measuring the amount they will have to give in contrast to the returns they will receive with precision. For example, a friend of mine told when I got married to “make plenty of children” so that when the New Year or any other celebration comes around I’ll always have the advantage of numbers and so receive more than I give out. Incidentally this guy has five children, so though he has had to give out “Ang Pow’s”, he also gets back plenty…..good blessing and gift “P & L” management! He must hold a Masters Degree in this field.

 

So, what’s the “P & L” of a blessing, gift for you? Is there some part of you doing the math of the “giving” to see the potential returns, be they monetarily or other wise? Most of us have some kind of “P & L” going on, me include. The difference is a matter of degree and awareness and the shifts we make to move beyond the accepted norms of the gift economy of the society and family culture we live in as well as the traditional norms which we have unconsciously imbibed over the years and enshrined as “beliefs”, “taboos” and the “rules” of “gift giving”.

  

“The spirit in which a thing is given determines that in which the debt is acknowledged; it’s the intention, not the face-value of the gift, that’s weighed.”

- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

  

Below I have drawn 3 broad categories of gift giving which has some kind of “P & L” involved (note that there may be other further categorizations):

 

1. Giving to gain some form of “capital influence”: here we give to gain some kind of influence over the other(s). We give so that the receiver feels obligated to us in some way. In such instances mild to severe subjection takes place and the receiver feels obligated to the giver, in a state of “owing” and consequently is obligated to be nice, to say yes, to never question, to be supportive, etc. while the giver enjoys the huge “commodity of influence” over him or her and an alleviated sense of emotional, social, economical and political standing.

 

 

Such practices of giving are prevalent in family, business and political circles. We see it everywhere and are either victims of it or its perpetrators.    

 

“Never look down on anybody unless you’re helping them up.”  

- The Reverend Jesse Jackson  

 

2. Giving out of obligation: here we either consciously or unconsciously give because of the obligation of a rule, law, traditional, religious, family or social norm or practice. The fear, guilt and punishment factor plays a huge part in “forcing” or “obligating” one to “gift give” while the rewards of this giving is the feeling of being “accepted”, “included”, “feeling OK”, “validated”, “justified” or “righteous”.

 

Another version of this giving is to give back to the person from which we have received a gift simply because we have to or feel obligated to do so! This can result in “gift account” keeping: where we keep accounts and give back the similar amount or similar gift given so that the giver does experience a “sense of loss” or we a sense of being in depth. As the Chinese say, “To save one’s face”.  

 

Yet, another variety of the above is “gifting according to the exchange value of the gift”. Here one simply decides to give a gift based on the value of the gift received, no more or no less. This measure is also used to evaluative the quality of the relationship!       

  

“It isn’t the size of the gift that matters, but the size of the heart that gives it.”

- Quoted in The Angels’ Little Instruction Book by Eileen Elias Freeman, 1994

 

 3. Codependent giving: giving in order to receive in return some kind of emotional gratification. An “needy” kind of giving which compels and manipulates the other to give back something that the giver feels he or she “needs” or “lacks” in order to feel good and be happy. This kind of gift giving is also used to maintain the relationship, to feel valuable, esteemed and validated by the other: and is a subtle way of controlling the relationship!  

 

Codependent givers at times feel that they need to give in order “to take care” of the receiver and can practice “great acts of generosity” to get what they “need” from the relationship but can also feel victimized by the other when the gift or emotional gratification is not given in return.  Most codependent giving is based on the conscious or unconscious need of the giver to “be needed” and get some kind of emotional gratification in return.  

  

“To give and not expect return, that is what lies at the heart of love.”

- Oscar Wilde

 

 In all the categories above, the giver and receiver is drawn into a “P & L” game, either freely or other wise. And the roles between “giver” and “receiver” can be changed, reversed or mutually exchanged resulting in the “bondage” of obligation, manipulation and score keeping.

 

 

 “What is a true gift? One for which nothing is expected in return.”

- Chinese Proverb

 

As we grow, we may find ourselves in maybe one, two or all three categories, or a combination of them to varying degrees. Looking back, I myself have seen traces of these categories in me in varying shades, tones and intensity. This is how we grow, mature, gain awareness and make shifts that help us actualize our highest and best intentions and meanings. Nonetheless one thing is for sure, whenever we give a blessing or a gift with a calculated “P & L”, we are well on the way of giving a “false gift” to another as well as deceiving ourselves into thinking of ourselves as generous givers. Why? Simply because we are giving without sufficient grace and are expecting, or maybe even subtly demanding, something back in return: payback, be it monetarily, the gratification of our conscious or unconscious need to be “needed”, recognized, gain status, influence, control or to feel “righteous”, “justified”  and “included”.  

 

So, here’s that strange question again: “What’s the P & L of a blessing, a gift?”

 

How can “gift giving” be different?

What can we do to make shifts away from a “P & L gift economy” or culture?

How would one feel when a gift is given and received freely and graciously with no visible or invisible strings attached?

 

“To give without any reward, or any notices, has a special quality of its own.”

- Ann Morrow Lindbergh

 

 “All you have shall some day be given; 
Therefore give now, that the season of giving
 may be yours and not your inheritors.”

- Kahlil Gibran

  

 Perhaps the two following stories below may help us find our own answers to these questions.

 

The Perspective of the GIVER, giving with sufficient grace:

Last weekend as I sat at the Coffee Bean on the first day of the Lunar New Year sipping my vanilla latté together with my wife, I noticed something amazing, perhaps an example of “amazing grace”. Walking out of the shopping complex was a couple with their teenage looking son. They, the parents were visible excited, gingerly leading their son towards the car park, smiling at him, engaging him with lots of hugs and cuddles…looking proud and excited.Normal, you may say except that he was severely spastic, walked with a heavy limp and was radically uncoordinated. 

 

Here was a couple who must have spent years unconditionally loving, caring and gifting their son, knowing fully well that he will not grow up to be that “normal” son who would look after: house, care and provide for them in their old age, when they are no longer able to do so for themselves. He would not be that off spring who would feel gracious and thankful for all they have done for him and choose to support them emotionally and monetarily in return, as well as tell the whole world about the support he had received from them. He would not be that “famous son” who would grow up and be a renowned and successful doctor, lawyer or politician who would make his parents proud and who they could brag about to their friends and relatives.

 

 

 “To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.”

- Steve Prefontaine

 

In a way, the “conventional P & L expectations of parenthood” held no sway and that did not matter. What I saw and was radically moved by, were parents who choose to love their son unconditionally and to be GIVERS of grace and blessings to him with no   “P & L” involved. Nothing was expected in return. Only giving with grace, with the joy of seeing what they were giving and doing for him was making a difference in his life: feeding, bathing, clothing, comforting, playing, understanding, supporting and being all that they could be just for his growth and development. An example of giving with sufficient grace: A GRACEFUL GIVING OF A “REAL” GIFT.  

 

“The greatest gift is a portion of thyself.”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

  

The Perspective of the RECEIVER, receiving with grace:

I was once shopping for a new pair of slacks sometime ago. It was at one of those normal shopping complexes and as usual I picked the color and style and requested for a fitting. The pants fitted well and I looked pretty good in it. It was a sure buy. Then I put my hands into the pockets to get a feel of them and found a RM 50 dollar note! Hard to believe…but it happened. I did not know who left the note there. I had no way of finding who that person was so I told the sales assistant and he said that he did not know who would have tried on that particular pants last and when.

  

“The manner of giving is worth more than the gift.”

- Pierre Corneille, Le Menteur

  

 

 

For me this was an example of “receiving with grace”. In a way did not know the “giver” and could not return or even “thank” that person. It help pay for part of the pants I purchased and that made my “buying experience” graceful; that pair of slacks was a “free gift” that I could just receive with no obligations to return the favor or with any   “strings attached”. It simply surprised me, made me feel blessed, made a “difference” in that it fulfilled my need (I needed a new pair of slacks!) and left me feeling happy for a pretty long time. Till today, it remains a fond memory of “grace”: receiving a gift with grace, without the need to repay, respond or return that blessing, gift or favor. An experience of simply receiving a blessing without merit or favor! An example of receiving with grace: A GRACEFUL RECEIVING OF A “REAL” GIFT. Perhaps you to may have such a similar experience, have you not?

 

“It takes great generosity to accept generosity.”

-Merle Shain

 

In both of these experiences there’s no “LOSS” in the blessing given or received, only the unconditional “PROFIT” of a giving with GRACE without any expectations of a return or even gratefulness and the “PROFITABLE” receiving with GRACE without any “obligation, opportunity or chance” to return the blessings! Being given without any consideration of merit: if one deserves it or not.             

     

So, here’s that strange question again: “What’s the P & L of a blessing, a gift?”

 

We live in a “gift economy” or culture that is secular, commercialized and mathematical: one that is “ungraceful” and which encourages the calculation of the “P & L” of a gift, blessing, favor, opportunity, etc. A culture that practices the “give to get” principle: to get something you must first give something and then you’ll have that other person in an “obligatory” position to “pay back” what has been given. A “gift economy” that looks at a gift and not at the “meaning and intention” behind it, that evaluates it monetarily; from the perspective of its brand, packaging and social equilibrium. A “gift economy” that demands equal exchange; for payback for what has been given and that does not know what “graceful giving or receiving” is. No wonder festive seasons can be stressful times….seasons of “ungraceful” encounters and experiences.  

 

“What’s the P & L of a blessing, a gift?”

 

Each of us will have to answer this question. Whatever our answer maybe, may it occasion an experience of GRACE: the practice a measure of GRACEFUL GIVING and RECEIVING. One that goes over and above our over commercialized, secular, manipulative and mathematical “gift economy”.  

  

“To give and then not feel that one has given is the very best of all ways of giving.” 

- Max Beerbohm

 

Be courageous enough to THINK DIFFERENTLY, to stretch beyond convention and soon, you’ll be among the few who have behaved differently and made the world a better place; a place of grace! THINK RADICALLY!      

  

“The place to improve the world is first in one’s own heart and head and hands.”

-Robert M. Pirsig

  

  

 

WISHING YOU A HAPPY, PEACEFUL AND PROSPEROUS DRAGON NEW YEAR!

GONG XI FA CHAI!

  

 

Stay committed to transcending, transforming and transferring value back to your world!

 

 Catch new blogs fortnightly at let us know what you think below.

 

Conrad Rozario is the founder of Alchemy Resources, a cutting edge human potential and peak performance development company in Malaysia. He has more than 15 years experience in people development from the diverse fields of Sales, Marketing, Customer Engagement and Service, Business Management and Talent Development. He is a Certified & Licensed Neuro Semantics and Neuro-Linguistics Programming (NLP) Trainer from the International Society of Neuro –Semantics,USA, a Master Practitioner in Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS,USA) and a Language and Behavior Profiling for Coaching Practitioner. He holds a MBA fromGordon University,Illinois,USA.

Rated “Z”

Posted by: admin  :  Category: Neuro Semantics, NLP, Personal Development

Have you ever watched a “Z” rated movie before? Ok, some of you may not have heard of the term “Z rated movie” or “Grade –Z Movie”.  The term arose in the 60’s as a description of movies that were made with very little money on the fringes of the film industry. Consequently their scripts were poorly written, error prone and the actors who acted in them were nonprofessional “unknowns”.

 

Because they had a budget that suffered from acute poverty, one that was way below the budget of B rated movies, their lighting and editing was horrendous! They suffered from technical incompetence and portrayed story lines that were often characterized by meaningless violence and explicit lurid sexual content that held little or no artistic interest and value. In most cases, they were labeled as “exploitative”!

 

The movie Plan 9 from Outer Space by Ed Woods is often labeled as the “worst movie ever made”, a “Z rated” movie, as it featured an incoherent plot, crude acting, intrusive narration, cheap side effects and cardboard sets that actors kept bumping into! Stock footage was used through out its shoot, whole sequences were repeatedly used, boom microphones were visible and the actors appeared reading from cue cards! (Source: Wikipedia)

 

Now, have you watched a “Z rated” movie before? Better still, would you choose to invest your time and resources to take your family or significant other to watch a “Z rated” movie? I guess not. Why? Simply because the movie would have little or no entertainment value, carry no meaningful story line, offer no inspiration or value, would be rationally and emotionally bankrupt and be a source of substantial discomfort!

 

But what if I told you that most of us love and are addicted to our very own personalized “Z rated” movie(s)? Would you believe me? Ok, some of you may now be shouting in protest, “No way”! But what if it was true? What if we are the director, producer, actor, special effect crew, editor and of course audience of these personalized “Z rated” movies?  What if most of us are so addicted to these movies and scripts that we have come to believe that they are true and, consequently, view them unconsciously, everyday; reaping the negative benefits of depression, anxiety, fear, anger, shame, guilt, helplessness, hopelessness, uncertainty and insecurity.

 

 

“We have met the enemy and he is us.”

- Walt Kelly

 

As ridiculous and insane as this sounds most of us do this. From the perspective of Neuro Semantic NLP, we run our brains or rather the way we think and emote, are in the form of visuals, sounds, feelings, smells and taste. These are called sub modalities and together, they function very much like a movie show. Whenever we think we are using these modalities or a combination of them with our own internal narration or internal dialogue on the “movie screen” of our mind. Now the movies that we run are determined by the meanings or beliefs or scripts or values or presuppositions that hold them, in other words our Neuro Semantics – the meanings we have formed and which we feel in our entire body, our neurology. Together these determine the quality of our lives; our performance and the “mind – body and emotional states” we experience form a day to day basis.

 

Now take a few moments to do this simple exercise. Recall a time when you felt totally confident and unbeatable. Once you access this time, fully associate into it and feel the emotions of “confidence” and being “unbeatable”. See what you see, hear what you hear and feel what you feel. Now amplify these as much as you like until to feel these positive emotions explode all over you. Enjoy.

 

What just happened? You guessed it right. You ran a “movie” in your mind of an experience that you had which made you feel confident and unbeatable. This movie or experience that you recalled in the “theater of your mind” was in the combination of some or all of the modalities of visuals, sounds, feelings, smells, taste with its own internal dialogue. It was framed in the Semantics or meaning of “confidence” and “unbeatable”; and is this frame that determines the quality of the movie. Thus it is our meanings that determine the quality of our lives.

 

The next thing that you did was that you played the role of movie “editor”, you began to amplify what you saw, heard and felt and this increased the positive state you were in. So to put it in a nut shell, you were the director, producer, actor, special effect crew, editor and of course the audience of this movie in the theater of your mind!

 

“The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings,

by changing the inner attitudes of their minds,

 can change the outer aspects of their lives.”

-William James

 

Such a movie like the one above can be labeled as an “Oscar” grade movie which carries high quality semantics. As such, they produce empowering states within us and this in turn produces high quality performance or behavior.

 

Now, back to the “Z rated” movies that we run. Most of our states of helplessness, uncertainty, fear, guilt, shame, insecurity and hopelessness, the “blocks” or “difficulties” that we experience, are caused by the “Z rated” movies that we either consciously or unconsciously play in our minds. Many of us have played these “Z rated” moves repeatedly that we have become so accustomed to them and believe them to be true, as being our reality.

 

“We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.”

 - Buddha

 

Take for example, a person who grew up in home where he was brought up by parents who had little or no parenting skills. Perhaps he had suffered lots of pain, abuse, abandonment and neglect as a child. These experiences leads him to conclude, to create meanings, that life is painful, that he is worthless and “good for nothing”, that most people cannot be trusted and  want to exploit and take advantage of him.

 

Just how does he do this? By “negative self reflection”: which simply means thinking about his experiences and forming thoughts and beliefs about himself, others, the world, his future, etc. and from them, abstracting meaning, and then proceeding to think again about these thoughts and beliefs and drawing further conclusions, evaluations, beliefs – attaching further meaning to them. In Neuro Semantics we call this our self reflexive consciousness, self reflexivity, which is how we create our meanings.

 

“You see, it’s never the environment; it’s never the events of our lives, but the meaning we attach to the events – how we interpret them – that shapes who we are today and who we’ll become tomorrow.”

 - Tony Robbins

 

Consequently this becomes his “created” script; his toxic beliefs, judgments, evaluations, values and presuppositions, his Neuro Semantics, and it in turn produces “Z rated” movies in the theater of his mind: memories from his childhood of pain, abuse and neglect which are in time “negatively” edited and spiced up!

 

 

Having come to believe that this is “reality” and due to repeated “play time” in his mind; he continues to “negatively self reflect” on them and this produced in him states of helplessness, incompetency (constantly discounting himself), insecurity, uncertainty, “choicelessness”, fear, anger, distrust and victimhood. In time it became his frame of mind, his frame of reference and canopy of consciousness, coloring his perception and expectation of future events, of others, the world, his potential and the possibilities for him. Needless to say, this would become a major “block” or “difficulty” for him!

 

“Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives.” 

- Tony Robbins

 

Now, the questions that we need to ask: Is this perception of his truly “reality”? Is it a true reflection of his value, potential and worth? Is it a true evaluation of others and the world? Certainly not, not by a long shot. Wouldn’t you agree? But for him, due to his lack of awareness, it is his reality!  That, in a nut shell is how all of us creates our “Z rated” movies and come to believe that they true and real.

 

“Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world.”

 - Arthur Schopenhauer

 

Are there areas in your life where you are currently experiencing “difficulty” or “blocks”? Do these experiences produce negative states of anger, shame, depression, fear, guilt, uncertainty, “choicelessness” and insecurity in you? Do these states produce poor performance or behaviors that are not productive? These “blocks” could be in any area of your life; be it in the area of work, exercise, in relationships; how you are relate to your spouse, children, parents and even with yourself.

 

Now, here’s the thing about such “blocks” that we experience. They remain embedded, seemingly “real”, in our neurology because of a combination, if not all, of the factors cited below:

 

  • We are unaware that they are caused by the low quality Semantics we have formed and which frames these movies that we run in the theater of our mind.

 

  • We are unaware of the movie that the above produces in the theater of our mind. In fact, most of the time they run at lighting speed and we erroneously believe that it is “cause” by something is outside us!

 

  • We buy into these toxic meanings and continue to negatively “edit” these toxic meanings and movies until they become highly “Z rated” and “exploitative”. By this I mean that we continue to “negatively self reflect” on these toxic meaning and in turn     negatively “edit” them.

 

  • We do not question the quality of these meanings and movies and take them to be  “true”, as our “reality” and world view. This in turn effects the perception we have about ourselves, others, the world, our personal power, our potential, abilities, our future, our intentions and motives.

 

“Don’t believe everything you hear, even in your own mind.”

 - Daniel G. Amen

 

  • We run these movies so frequently that they become such a part of our being, our consciousness, that they become our automatic behavior: they have become muscle memory!

 

  • When the above happens, we make these toxic frames of meaning as a reference for     all our future experiences. Hence it becomes our perceptual filter, the criteria we use to evaluation and give meaning to future external stimulus.

 

  • Finally, when we do all the above, it now functions as our attractor frame of mind, a self fulfilling prophecy! Hence we believe that we are our meanings and toxic movies! It becomes our identity! (Which of course is not true, we are more than our meanings, beliefs, presuppositions and experiences!)

 

“Whatever I hold in my mind tends to manifest itself in my life. What we believe and assume creates most of our reality and our experience.”

-David Emerald

 

Are we to blame ourselves for the above? Certainly not, for that’s the way our brains work! We were just not given a user manual for our brains and for our meaning making powers at birth. Now, however, we can learn to take charge of our semantics and the movies we run in the theater of our minds!

 

“All the resources we need are in the mind.”

-Theodore Roosevelt

 

So, are you interested in removing these “blocks” and live unleashed? If so, then take a pause now and access one of your “block” states.

 

 

Now, mentally, take a step back and become aware of the meanings that you have formed and the movies that you run in the theater of your mind in this “block” state.

 

Become aware at this very moment, that it is you who are its producer, editor, actor, special effect crew, scrip writer and audience, all rolled into one; nothing outside you is influencing, causing or controlling this experience ( meaning that there’s no external stimulus causing it).

 

Become aware of the state it puts you in – the thought and beliefs you are having and emotions you feel in your body.

 

Become aware of the potential behavior it produces and has produced, its ensuring consequences and the perceptual filter it forms which colors the way you perceive all future similar events/ relationships/ possibilities/ opportunities/ circumstances/ situations.

 

Now, do you like what you are producing? Do you love the “Z rated” movie and the toxic meanings and frames that you have formed, scripted, edited and enhanced? Does it serve you well? Does it serve you intended outcomes? Does it help you actualize your highest and best intentions? Or have you got so addicted to your “Z rated” movie that you would defend its contents and believe the toxic beliefs and frames it carries?

“Only your mind can produce fear.”

- Course in Miracles

 

Here are some liberating facts that can help empower to break away from your “blocks” or “Z rated” movies:

 

  • Nothing outside you can make your feel “bad” or cause you to think “negatively” about yourself. You are your own meaning maker and what meanings you choose to make is entirely up to you. This is a God given faculty which you can either use for good or bad, to make your life a celebration or a living hell.

You have the freedom to choose what to think (to choose your thoughts), what to  feel (to enjoy the emotions you want), what to say ( to have your voice) and do ( and behave in the way you want) – this is your God give four powers, your greatest gifts! Use it or loose it!

 

“There is nothing from outside a man, that entering into him can defile him: but the things which come out of him, those are they that defile the man.”

- Mark 7:15

  

  • You have the power of choice. Use it to empower yourself and to create meanings and movies that serve you highest and best. Give up this power and you’ll be at the mercy of the behavior, values, opinions, insecurities and toxic meanings of others; in other words at the mercy of their own “Z rated” movies and semantics!

 As a child, we may have been at the mercy of the “Z rated” movies and meanings of others but as adults, we have full access to this life transforming power: the power of choice.

 

“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.”

- 1 Corinthians 13:11

 

  • Embrace your fallibility and the fallibility of others. Forgive them and yourself, learn    the lessons and let go of the toxic experiences. This will clear your neurology of any toxic meanings and movies as well as stop you form “negatively self reflecting” (meta stating) on them; which eventually leads to the creation of “exploitative Z rated” movies!

 

“So be it. God created profoundly fallible creatures on this earth, and human history is mostly the story of error and accident.”

- Michael Ledeen

 

“Wisdom is keeping a sense of fallibility of all our views and opinions.”

 - Gerald Brenan

 

  • Learn to take full responsibility for your happiness and outcomes. This ultimately means taking ownership of your current perceptions of reality and the meanings that you have given them.

 

It means taking ownership of the process of reframing these “toxic” meanings with ones that serve your best intentions and choosing to run the kind of movies in the theater of your mind that empower you. We do this by using our self reflexive consciousness, self reflexivity,  as described earlier in this blog.

 

“Man must cease attributing his problems to his environment, and learn again to exercise his will – his personal responsibility.”

 - Albert Einstein

 

Playing the role of the martyr, rescuer, victim or the self righteous attacker by blaming, scapegoating and “guilting” others only leads to the creation and maintenance of our “block” states and impasses: the “Z rated” movies and meanings in our neurology.

 

We need to discover the freedom of not judging ourselves and others, not judging our perceptions (mental maps) or the perceptions (mental maps) of others, to accept that there are many versions of reality ( and that ours is not the one) and gently working to create our own empowering meanings and perceptions.

 

This and only this determines our happiness, well being and empowerment!

 

 

“Like discipline, responsibility is one of those words you have probably heard so many times from authority figures that you’ve developed a bit of an allergy to it. Still, it’s one of the most important things to grow and to feel good about your life. Without it as a foundation nothing else here or in any personal development book really works.”

- Henrik Edberg

 

The above provides us the necessary resources for us to become aware of our internal representations and semantics, to renter our “Z rated” movies and semantic frames of mind and “reedit” them; knowing fully well that we have the meaning making and changing capability and powers to reproduce and re script our internal representation and meanings in order to create enhancing ones that serve our highest and best intentions.

 

Here’s a simple pattern that you can use to decommission a “Z rated” movie with its toxic semantics which you have had enough of:

 

  • Access a “Z rated” movie that you would like to decommission or take “off the air” in the theater of your mind; one that you have frequently aired, which is a “block” and which places you in an unproductive state, one that does not serve your highest and best intentions. Have you located it? Have you had enough of this “Z rated” movie? Good. Now put it aside.

 

  • Next, imagine that you are assembling a team of hilarious and crazy movie critics. These could be anybody who has a keen sense of humor, who just has the knack of turning anything into a joke and who has a humorous perspective, character and personality. These folks will be the invited guest of critics who’ll be viewing your “Z rated” movie, folks who will be commenting on it and cracking it up with ridiculous humor. Who could you imagine being on this team? (Eddie Murphy, Chris Tucker, Will Smith, Tracy Morgan, Sean William Scott, Jim Carey, Russell Peters, Bart Simpson, The Family Guy, Fred Flintstone, Popeye, Yogi Bear, etc.)

 

 

  •  Now view that “Z rated” movie in the theater of your mind with this “cracked out” team of movie critics. Imagine the humorous comments they will be making, with their own funny tone of voice, facial expressions and loud and boisterous laughter as they  make wise cracks on the contents, the script, production, actors and silly meanings of your “Z rated” movie. See and hear them doing this and simply feel how ridiculously humorous this movie is. Just get crazy with this and get cracked up!

 

  • Once you have had enough, think again of this “Z rated” movie of yours. Has it changed? Yes, you bet. It has been reedited, re scripted and decommissioned, taken off the air and made harmless.

 

 

Would you watch a “Z rated” movie? Better still, would you invest your time and resources to take your loved ones or significant other to go watch a highly “exploitative”  “Z rated movie”? If your answer is NO, isn’t about time you did something about the “Z rated” movies and meanings you keep running in your head? After all, you are the producer, script writer, actor, special effects crew and editor of them, not to mention the audience of them too!

(The above is adapted from “NLP going Meta” by L. Michael Hall, Ph.D)

 

For your entertainment, do enjoy a scene from the “Z rated” movie Plan 9 From Outer Space. May all your internal movies never “Z rated”! 

 

Plan 9 From Outer Space – Best Lines


Stay committed to transcending, transforming and transferring value back to your world!

 

Catch new blogs fortnightly at let us know what you think below.

 

Conrad Rozario is the founder of Alchemy Resources, a cutting edge human potential and peak performance development company inMalaysia. He has more than 15 years experience in people development from the diverse fields of Sales, Marketing, Customer Engagement and Service, Business Management and Talent Development. He is a Certified & Licensed Neuro Semantics and Neuro-Linguistics Programming (NLP) Trainer from the International Society of Neuro –Semantics,USA, a Master Practitioner in Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS,USA) and a Language and Behavior Profiling for Coaching Practitioner. He holds a MBA fromGordon University,Illinois,USA.

“Global Cooling”

Posted by: admin  :  Category: Neuro Semantics, NLP, Personal Development

She was a 68 year old widow who was abandoned to an old folk’s home some 12 years ago even though she had 3 sons. She had not felt her sons love and concern for a long time, ever since the day they got married. They were now too busy with their “careers”, their wives, their family matters and their in laws. Her world was a cold one: no phone calls, no letters, no visits, and no grand children to adore her or for her to “spoil”. She is a victim of the “global cooling” phenomena; living in an emotionally frozen world and exhausted of any hope that her children would care, love and touch her heart with kindness at least on last time.

 

 

Yet, she is not the only person living in such “emotionally frozen” conditions. There are many like her in old folk’s homes and in normal homes; from aged parents, married couples and single folks who experience a disconnect in their effective lives; folks who have not felt the touch of kindness in their relationships for a long time, who are victims of theglobal cooling phenomena. 

 

He was a 24 year old graduate who had just entered the job market. He had big dreams to become a successful corporate man. His first job promised him much but after 5 months he discovered that the work place was a rootless “war zone” of dirty politics, greed, selfishness and manipulation. His working relationships were cold, “ice age” like; he is the victim of the “global cooling” phenomena.  It left him frozen, disillusioned and at choice point: to either join the majority or stand alone.

 

Yet, he is not the only person working in such “frozen conditions”. There are many like him who work in places that lack kindness, work places that are “black holes” of deceit and dishonesty, cauldrons of the global cooling phenomena.        

 

She was an 11 year old girl. Pretty, charming, articulate and intelligent. She had every thing a 11 year old would want, need or desire. She had her own room, an i pad, expensive toys, branded clothing and accessories that would make many adults blush. She attended ballet, piano and swimming classes every week and a maid at her disposal 21/7. Nonetheless, she was “famished” and “exhausted”; famished for the love, kindness and attention of her parents and exhausted from trying hard to get it from them by being “Miss Perfect”. Her childhood is a cold one; she is a victim of the “global cooling” phenomena.

 

Yet, she is not the only child in the world living in such “emotionally frozen” conditions. They are everywhere, the anonymous majority who suffers in silence, with a smiling face. Innocent that is deprived of the very thing it needs to grow and flourish: loving kindness embodied in a “real relationship” with their parents.

 

“Our generation is realistic, for we have come to know man as he really is. After all, man is that being who invented the gas chambers of Auschwitz: however, he is also that being who entered those gas chambers upright, with the Lord’s Prayer or the Shema Yisreal on his lips.”

- Victor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning.

 

As we stand at the threshold of a new year, allow me to draw your attention to this  condition that’s escalating at an alarming rate, one that is leaving a huge hole in the “ozone layer” of human relationships and values that has long held society together; a condition that’s in many ways destroying the very fabric of our humanity. Its effects have been felt by almost everybody I know: I call it the “global cooling” phenomena, the condition of society where little kindness, is practiced. A society rapidly falling into crassness!  

 

The “global cooling” phenomena is characterized by coldness and indifference in human relationships. Behind it lies a form of selfish ambition that aggressively isolates and marginalizes one human person from another; promoting a self absorbed culture of “me-ism” that deletes the existence of the needs of others: be it a friend, a family member and even ones parents!

 

 

It is sinister in its ability to subtly influence the masses and mask itself as a “valid and smart” culture that promises one the quickest path to ones dreams, the path of instant gratification, regardless of the bigger picture, the compromise of values and the long term consequences of ones behavior. Its credo is that the end justifies the means; that ones narcissist, self inflated and self-centered needs takes top priority above anybody or anything else.

 

“They lack the awareness of a meaning worth living for. They are haunted by the experience of their inner emptiness, a void within themselves; they are caught in that situation which I have called the “existential vacuum.”

- Victor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning.

 

Have you experienced the effects of the “global cooling” phenomena?

 

Just take a drive down town (especially if you live inMalaysia) and you’ll meet folks who have decided that the traffic rules are no longer valid from them. Folks who break every driving code, over take at the double line, double or triple park, cut queues, ignore the traffic lights and signs, force their way into the driving path of others, make illegal turns, race, recklessly drive, road hog, tail gate and feel that what they are doing is “acceptable”, “valid” and the “smart” thing to do because it gets them to their destination in the fastest time possible and on their own selfish terms. Now what is the “cherry” on this cake is that you’ll see law enforcement officers at their beat totally oblivious to all this….busy chatting, texting on their smart phones or even grabbing a quick smoke!

 

Have you experienced these symptoms of “global cooling” on the roads and the highways? Have you been one of its victims?

 

“We were not born for the purpose of causing trouble and harming others.”

- His Holiness the Dalai Lama, May 2004.

 

What about the place where you currently work at? What is the “culture” that is practiced there? Is genuine kindness and fairness practiced? Many are caught in a work place that practices a culture of high threat and low trust, where intimidation is the tool of choice for Managers and Directors. Is your work environment a place where folks working on the same floor are strangers to one another: a place where folks pass each other like two ships in the night, without giving the slightest hint of a smile or an acknowledging nod?  

 

It is shocking to see just how unkind folks who work in the same company can be to one another. Instead of being an environment of shared outcomes and goals, it become a place where gross selfishness, in-fighting, cold indifference, cut throat competitiveness, general nastiness and rudeness effects and breaks down individual and team relationships. Places where employees fall victim to the global cooling phenomena!  

 

Have you experienced these symptoms of “global cooling” in your work place? Have you been one of its victims?

 

Have you taken a walk at the shopping mall lately, or at a hypermarket, supermarket or even drown the streets? Have you used the public transport lately? Have you noticed that the probability of you having a “cold”, “aggressively rude” and “unkind” experience at any these places these days is extremely high? This what you’ll you probably encounter, cold and aloof individuals aggressively pushing their way up escalators, violently fighting for places at the pay out counters, “rudely shoulder butting” their way through crowds, rushing into packed elevators even before the folks inside them can come out, ignoring elderly folks standing in the bus or train. Strangers glaring at you with a tight upper lip and cold shoulder ever ready to fight you for a place at a restaurant, a ticket or purchasing counter, the entrance to a shop or even a urinal in the toilet! (Not to mention for a parking space at the parking lot!!!)     

 

 

 

“In reality there are only two races, namely the “race” of decent people and the “race” of people who are not decent.”

- Victor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning.

    

Whatever happened to smiling at another human person instead of glaring at them to make sure that they understand you’re not to be messed with? Whatever happened to waiting for another person to exit the elevator before alighting it? Whatever happened to allowing someone to walk comfortable ahead of you instead of trying to fight that person so that you are “step ahead” of him or her? Whatever happened to holding an elevator for another person who is just a few seconds behind? Whatever happened to being patient behind a customer who is having a “difficult time” ordering his or her food at a fast food counter instead of impatiently gloating and murmuring about just how “stupid” they are?  Whatever happened to just being a little kind and compassionate to ones neighbour? Do we need the government to give us “financial incentives” in order to be kind?

 

How many times have you opened a door for someone only to get an ungrateful glare in return? How many times have you walked down a sidewalk or an aisle in the grocery store making way for someone who makes no effort to do the same for you? How many times have you said thank you to the person at the payout counter or restaurant to get a cold blank stare in return? How many times have you allowed someone to get ahead of you at the pay out counter only to get ignored with ingratitude? Have we forgotten that it is in our human nature to be kind?

 

Have you experienced these symptoms of “global cooling”? Have you been one of its victims?

  

Have you met elderly folks who have been “abandoned” by their children in old folk’s homes and who hardly get a monthly visit because they are “too busy” with other important stuff?  Have you met aged parents who stay with their children but who live in isolation, in emotional abandonment”, with no warm contact or communication with them? Have you met senior citizens who have been left to themselves on their birthdays and festive celebrations by their children; their only companions being a maid and the cable television? Or are you the only sibling looking after your aged or sick parents with no sense of support, be it emotionally or financially, from your other siblings?

 

Have you experienced these symptoms of “global cooling”? Have you been one of its victims?

 

Have you met the “lost generation”? Kids, children and teenagers who have been “emotionally abandoned” by their parents because they are busy building their careers, earning an income and “making ends meet”? Kids, children and teenagers who live in luxury with the best “toys” and necessities but who are brought up by maids, the TV, the internet and their grand parents? A generation that has experienced little kindness, love and emotional contact directly from their parents in a form of a “real relationship” and who compensates for this loss with destructive hobbies, habits and distractions? Have we forgotten the basics of parenting in this day and age?

 

 

 

Have you experienced these symptoms of “global cooling”? Have you been one of its victims?

 

“Values such as profit and efficiency are taking on greater importance at the expense of human warmth and genuine presence. Family affections and friendships suffer and are less lasting.”

- Piero Ferrucci, The Power of Kindness

 

What about what we read in the newspapers or hear on the radio or see in the news on cable television these days? From politics, domestic and international issues, economics and even sports, we see “gutter politics”, exploitation, corruption, dishonesty, civil and adolescent delinquency, “emotional abandonment” of children, abuse, violence, aggression and acts of gross unkindness in every shape and form.

 

Have you experienced these symptoms of “global cooling”? Have you been one of its victims?

 

As we stand on the threshold of a new year, perhaps we need to ask ourselves if we have grown so accustomed to the global cooling phenomena that we have either unconsciously or consciously subscribed to it? I know many who subscribe to the philosophy, “If you can’t beat them, join them” and who have given away their personal choice and “response – ability” to join the “band wagon”….what about you and me?

 

“In the concentration camps, for example, in this living laboratory and on this testing ground, we watched and witnessed some of our comrades behave like swine while others behave like saints. Man has both potentialities within himself; which one is actualized depends on decision but NOT on conditions.”

- Victor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning.

 

As the New Year descends on us at the stroke of 12 on the 1st of January 2012, some of us may opt to usher it in at home with loved ones. Some may choose to do so in a place of worship, praying for the needed blessings for a smooth year ahead. Some maybe busy making resolutions, brushing the dust off old dreams and goals that have gone unattended. Others maybe asking themselves what they need to do more off in the New Year to earn a bigger income to purchase that dream house, car or holiday while some may feel uncertain and anxious about their future. Whatever way we choose to usher in the New Year, perhaps we need to spare a thought about the global cooling phenomena and its dire consequences for our future.    

 

In the coming year……

 

Can we choose to be a little kinder to our loved ones, our colleagues, friends, neighbours and the “stranger” we meet on the road, in the shopping mall and on the street? As parents and adults, can we ensure that our children, those under our care, those we have influence over understand and experience kindness in ways that convinces them to do the same? Can we spread the news that we value a society where people care about one another through our “little and random acts of kindness”? Can we choose to kindly view others walking on the sidewalk, on the streets and in shopping mall as potential friends?  

 

Before we slip beyond any hope of return into a state of frozen rudeness, indifference and totalglobal cooling of human relationships and witness the holocaust of every thing decent in our nature, can we make a choice to turn things around by being kind for the sake of being kind?   

“My religion is kindness”

- His Holiness the Dalai Lama

 

This is the kind of heroism that the world needs today, the heroism of simple folks who choose to practice random acts of kindness on a daily basis to help heal human relationships, offer hope, restore trust and confidence in one another and offer each person true richness and happiness. For the true measure of a rich and successful society or community, a society of VISION 2020, is not in the number of millionaire is has but in the happiness and wellbeing of each person in relationship to one another: living in kindness. And why is kindness so important? Simply because it is the door way that allows other values like honesty, forgiveness, warmness, generosity, humility, patience, flexibility, respect, service and trust to be practiced!  

 

“But actually one may only demand heroism of one person, and that person is oneself.”

- Victor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning.

 

And why is kindness so difficult today? Because we have been seduced by the erroneous belief that true and lasting personal happiness, joy and contentment can only be found in fulfilling of our own needs and wants, forgetting the constitutive element in human nature, which is the self – transcendence of human existence. To quote Viktor E. Frankl, “It denotes the fact that human beings always point, and is directed, to something or someone other then oneself….The more one forgets himself – by giving himself to a cause to serve or another person to love- the more human he is and the more he actualizes himself.”        

 

“What is called self actualization is NOT an attainable aim at all, for the simple reason that the more one would strive for it, the more he would miss it. In other words, self actualization is possible only as a side effect of self transcendence.”

- Victor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning.

 

This will be my resolution for 2012, to be a little kinder to everybody and to practice random acts of kindness on a daily basis, at least one a day, to a total stranger. It’s a “cost free” resolution and can be done by simply helping a friend, being courteous to a stranger, saying “thank you” or “I’m sorry” more readily, respecting everyone no matter what his or her race, color, creed, social or economic status or political affiliation maybe and honoring the basic traffic laws and other civil laws that respects the rights of others and which upholds the common good.      

 

 

To practice being a little more compassionate, forgiving, charitable and understanding, to get over myself and my self absorbing egoistic needs and to give others the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps this will lead to a chain reaction of spontaneous random acts of kindness that in time lead to the warming of the “global cooling” phenomena.

 

What about you? Will you join me? Each person can make a difference and together we can cause a tsunami of kindness to sweep over our world, our neighbourhood, our community, families, work place and roads. So spread the word, let others know about the global cooling phenomena and how together, we can choose to warm our communities with kindness in 2012!

 

“Everything that is great is as rare to find as it is difficult to do. In fact, I myself believe that decent people are in the minority, have always been and always will be.”

- Victor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning.

 

 “Only goodness shall count.”

-Rabbi Leo Baeck, “Prayer for Reconciliation.”

 

Join the “Movement for Kindness” today and together, support one another in rehabilitating our world!

 

Hope you’ll enjoy the music video below…..try a little kindness!

 

WISHING YOU AND ALL YOUR DEAR ONES A HAPPY NEW YEAR, 2012!

MAY IT BE A YEAR FILLED WITH KINDNESS, LOVE,OPPORTUNITY, GOOD HEALTH AND PROSPERITY!        

 

 

 

Stay committed to transcending, transforming and transferring value back to your world!

 

Catch new blogs fortnightly at let us know what you think below.

 

Conrad Rozario is the founder of Alchemy Resources, a cutting edge human potential and peak performance development company inMalaysia. He has more than 15 years experience in people development from the diverse fields of Sales, Marketing, Customer Engagement and Service, Business Management and Talent Development. He is a Certified & Licensed Neuro Semantics and Neuro-Linguistics Programming (NLP) Trainer from the International Society of Neuro –Semantics,USA, a Master Practitioner in Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS,USA) and a Language and Behavior Profiling for Coaching Practitioner. He holds a MBA fromGordon University,Illinois,USA.