“The Boss Man”

Posted by: admin  :  Category: Neuro Semantics, Personal Development

Last Sunday, the 16th of October 2011, the world celebrated “Bosses Day”. Did you? Did you give your “Boss” a gift; a bouquet of flowers, a box of chocolates or a greeting card?  I asked around, called some friends and put the same question to them and guess what, most of them did not know it was “Bosses Day”. More importantly, and not surprising, they were not interested in knowing nor had they any intention of celebrating it. In fact, it became an occasion for them to “bitch” to me about how horrible their bosses were! Due to this over whelming response, I decided to blog about Bosses or “The Boss Man” (Note, from here on, I’ll be referring to Bosses, both men and women, with the term “The Boss Man”).

 

If you are a “Boss” in some way, be it a business owner, a CEO, Managing Director,  Principle, President, Manager, etc, did you get recognized on “Bosses Day”? I really don’t know the answer to this question but I can guess that some will answer “yes”, some “no” while others may just say, “I don’t need to be recognized nor am I in a popularity contest, my job is to ensure what’s best for the company as I am answerable to someone higher up.”

 

“The secret of successful managing is to keep the five guys who hate you away from the four guys who haven’t made up their minds.”

- Casey Stengel

 

Having been “The Boss Man” myself during my working days as well as someone who worked under “The Boss Man”, I kind of understand the last comment cited above. In a way, running a department or leading a team has nothing to do with pleasing everybody, in fact that is guaranteed to lead one down a painful path! Yes, the organizations’ outcomes are a priority and it is the very reason a business, corporations or any organization exists: to fulfill its vision, mission and core values. Any yes, I do agree that being “The Boss Man” is not an easy job and precisely so, being “The Boss Man” is a position that may are called to but few are the chosen to be the ones who truly lead, inspire, nurture and bring out the best in the people they lead…and get recognized for doing so! Here in lies the irony of sound and empowering leadership, it is always recognized and celebrated, from folks like Gandhi to Steve Jobs! So, if you are a “Boss Man”, was your leadership celebrated on “Bosses Day”?   

 

Ask yourself this question, “Can you remember a “Boss” or someone you served under who truly inspired you?” What did they do to earn your respect and admiration? Can you describe the criteria that you admire? Do you model this criterion yourself? If yes, good, if not, then why not? All too often, we admire but fail to model what we admire. We know, gain knowledge and even have a thirst to gain more knowledge but fail to close the “knowing – doing gap” to produce the kind of behavior that embodies and incarnates this knowledge. For me, this lies at the heart of “The Boss Man” issues, the failure to apply leadership principles that most Bosses know but lack the self efficacy   to practice. 

  

In many of my training engagements, the following has been some of the major “Boss Man” issues that many staff has experienced. These issues have negatively impacted productivity, lowered staff moral, killed initiative and creativity, negatively impacting staff engagement at the work place. So here we go……

 

1. Being paranoia and lacking trust.

This, I believe, is the root cause of many other “Boss Man” issues, in fact, for me; it sets apart the good managers and leaders from the rotten ones! Relationships or relating is the very medium in which business takes shapes, breeds, grows and expands. Every core aspect of Business and Management; be it sales, marketing, customer service, human resources, etc. takes place within this context, and a fundamental component of productive and health relating or relationships is TRUST! In many working environments today, trust is the very element that is lacking or absent and Bosses can either breed trust or mistrust!

 Here’s what some Bosses do, they put out advertisements to recruit the talent they need, they hire them, get excited and then start underestimating the ability of the very people they hire! They draw upon their past “bad” experiences, get influenced by the pettiness of small minded “older staff” and/or make unreasonable comparisons with more experienced current or former staff that have left the company.

 

Then the inevitable happens; they develop a “negative expectation frame of mind” or perceptual filter through which they view the performance of their new staff. Once this happens, the slightest mistake becomes evidence for them to confirm their negative frame of mind. This leads them to further doubt the judgments, ideas, suggestions and intentions of staff and eventually results paranoia and micro management. Over time a culture of mistrust is developed, one that smothers talent, drive and moral; leaving its destructive footprints of frustration and anger on both new and experienced staff alike; a real self esteem killer at the work place!

 

“A boss creates fear, a leader confidence. A boss fixes blame, a leader corrects mistakes. A boss knows all, a leader asks questions. A boss makes work drudgery, a leader makes it interesting.”

-Russell H. Ewing quotes

 

2. Being egoistic, infallible and authoritarian.

We all know of Bosses who think that they are “god’s gift” to their staff, who never stops thinking that they are the “industrial referral standard” of perfection, good business management and entrepreneurship. Bosses who believe that their business ideas, calls and judgments are infallible and if there is ever a mistake or error, it’s someone else’s, the market or the competitors fault. If there’s success, it’s all because of them and they take all the credit and soak up the lime light. The Boss who starts every sentence with “I” and punctuates them with lost of “me’s” and “I knows” and who demands the impossible form staff who are given very little or no resources to do so.

 

“Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.”

-Doug Larson

 

In most instances, they are authoritarian and have little regard for the opinions, suggestions and feelings of their staff. They schedule “critical” meetings a few days before major holidays and demand reports immediately after them, demand that staff stay back late every day to demonstrate that they are “working hard” for him and the company, sends emails and SMS at 12am and at other ungodly times- labeling them “urgent”, call staff up on their days off, ask for updates as well as for information at times of their convenience and demanding instant reply’s even on weekends and odd days!  They lead through intimidation, are cynical of the personal hardship of their staff and love giving feed back through insults and derogatory remarks. The cocky Boss who has a personal motto that says, “I make all my staff cry”, “It’s my way or the highway boys” or “All my staff are afraid of me!” 

 

“Companies used to be able to function with autocratic bosses. We don’t live in that world anymore.”

-Rosabeth Moss Kanter

 

What such the bosses don’t realize is that employees under such pressure end up losing interest in their work and will meet the deadlines just for the sake of it. Such employees would only do what is asked of them, never happily giving more or a hundred percent to their work. In time, they become “zombies” who leave their hearts and minds the minute clock in to work and pick them up the minute they leave, working only to earn their salary, while waiting for the next opportunity to come along.   

 

3. Being insecure, manipulative and deceptive.

Perhaps the worst kind of Boss is the insecure one: the Boss who is insecure about of his or her position, is easily intimidated, views intelligent staff as a threat to his or her security in the company, steals ideas and suggestions, gossips about one staff to another and manages by division and conflict, plays favorites, avoids transparency for the fear of being challenged, manipulatively using the weakness of others to his or her advantage while being cunningly deceptive by over promising and under delivering to keep staff motivated, especially on promotions, commissions and perks.

“Insecurity is one of the most common causes of managers behaving oddly… you’re never quite sure what to expect from them”

 -Shaun Belding, “Winning With the Boss From Hell.”

 

 

Did I mention their inability to accept responsibility for business outcomes and results, being ridiculously indecisive and petty and is “retired on the job” simply because they lack the task competency and character, becoming experts in delegating and “out sourcing” their work to others while throwing a “smoke screen” of authority and competency, a master of playing “hide and seek”; the boss who can talk a “good game” but simply cannot execute a good game plan!

 

While there are certainly no perfect Bosses, most are simply blind to their “blind spots”, and unaware of the negative impact they have on the people they lead. While some of us may choose to “mud sling” and “bitch” about our “Boss Man”, the reality of any situation is always two fold. As much as we are under leadership, we can also choose to “lead upward”, to influence upward. On the other side of the coin, we are always in some way in the position of “The Boss Man”, either at home, in a voluntary organization, in a club, a political, social or religious organization, etc. where our influence can either bring out the best or worse in others. Hence, the following can serve all of us well to identify our “blind spots” by simply applying the Mirror Principle, adapted and expanded on from John C. Maxwell’s, “Winning With People”.

 

This principle is really profoundly simple but effective. It involves taking a look in the mirror to learn some truths about ourselves by asking ourselves the following:

 

a) The first person I must know is myself; develop a higher degree of self awareness.

While most of us have the ability to size up, measure and figure other people out, we are pretty weak in figuring ourselves out, our leadership style and how we impact others under our leaderships; either empowering them or keeping them leashed by our insecurities or unmet childish needs! Hence the first step to develop greater self awareness, to “awaken to” the kind of “Boss Men” we are. What is one way we can do this?  

 

Find someone who we can be honest with, a family member, friend or colleague and ask that person to describe to us a habit or practice that negatively impacts others who are under our leadership or guidance. Then ask how does this trait(s) affect the group, the quality of relationships within the group and the effectiveness or productivity of the organization, team or family in realizing its vision, mission, higher meaning, values and outcomes?

 

Once you have acquired this insight, ask yourself, “What changes can I make within myself to cultivate new beliefs, values, capabilities, skills and behaviors to become a better human person and “Boss Man”?” Once you have done this, take action, immediately! Keep repeating this principle as often as possible, stay awake and keep developing a higher degree of self awareness.   

 

b) The first person I must get along with is myself; develop a healthy self image and practice self leadership.

This principle is best described by Sydney J. Harris, “If you’re not comfortable with yourself you can’t be comfortable with others.” Hence if we do not think much about ourselves, our worth, value nor do we believe in our integral goodness, we will definitely self sabotage our chances for success as well as sabotage the people we work with, lead and relate to.

 

A poor self image breeds insecure leadership and we already know the effects that this  can have and can manifest itself either as insecure, arrogant, authoritarian or egoistic model leadership (of a combination of these!). As they say, the most important relationship you’ll ever have will be with yourself and it will determine the nature of your external relationships, your unconscious and conscious model of leadership. 

 

So what is the solution? It is to learn to be your own best friend and how can you do this? By learning to befriend yourself, by learning to accept and appreciate your worth and dignity as a give by the fact you are a human person.

 

By learning to look for, identify, explore and expand your gifts, talents, skills and capabilities and embrace your potential to be more than you currently are.

 

By recognizing and celebrating your achievements and strengths as signs of your self efficacy and embracing your weakness as opportunities to learn and grow, embracing fallibility with a sense of self acceptance and forgiveness.

 

These are integral step in self leadership, steps that lead to effective leadership!

 

c) The first person to cause me problems is myself; practice self honesty!

To quote Jack Parr, “Looking back, my life seems like one big obstacle race, with me being the chief obstacle.” As John C. Maxwell so aptly puts it, “If we could kick the person responsible for most of our problems, we wouldn’t sit down for weeks.” Needless to say, one of the key issues faced by “Boss Men” is a lack of self honesty, the ability to stop and take a good look at oneself in the mirror and come to terms with ones short comings, faults and problems. To quit blaming, projecting and acting that like one is infallible with an ego that’s larger than the organization!

 

To be honest, in many a situation, I am my biggest problem; my close or narrow mindedness, my inability to listen to the opinions of others, my need to be always right at whatever expense, my need to manipulate things to go my way, my selfish attitude, my pride, unreasonable expectations, inflexibility, judgmental attitude or plain ignorance and the refusal to accept mistakes, correction and to learn from such experiences.

 

The much need tonic to this is self honesty, to create the space within for honest introspection and reflection and to acknowledge that on many instances, the problem starts with me, my outdated frames of mind, expectations and perceptions.

 

So ask yourself, “What are some of my hang ups? Can I genuinely accept, acknowledge and embrace them? In what areas do I need the greatest growth; develop higher levels of maturity and to equip myself with the necessary resources to remove some of my inner obstacles and develop new inner models of leaderships? What steps can I take to get my ego out of the way, to allow new and empowering attitudes and beliefs to develop in order for me to actualization new habits of leadership that unleashes potential in others and in me?

 

 

“A good boss makes his men realize they have more ability than they think they have so that they consistently do better work than they thought they could”

-Charles Erwin Wilson

 

d) The first person that I can make a difference with, influence and change is myself: practice self responsibility and self development.       

If you want to make a difference in the world, then you must take responsibility to influence and change yourself. The greatest number in the world is “ONE”, and that one is you! If we are going to inspire, lead and develop the talents of those we lead as well as be the catalyst of peak performance, we need to start with our very selves.

 

This calls for the practice of self responsibility to develop oneself, walk the talk, and embody the very vision, values and mission of the organization, group, team or family that we are leading. To embody the higher meanings that we are pointing to, closing the “knowing and doing gap” and to be committed to actualizing the highest and best in our actions; this is the catalyst for self actualizing leadership that unleashes the best in oneself and others. It’s about being authentic and congruent, a leadership from inside out!       

 

The opposite of this is to look at everyone to explain problems, set backs and poor performance; to manage and “lead” by blaming, scapegoat-ing and deflecting responsibility by offensive and defensive strategies and behaviors.

 

So, are you willing to exercise greater self responsibility to self develop? If so, what steps will you take to start to actualize the preceding principles of the Mirror Principle above? What will your plans and strategies be? What resources will you acquire and have access to realize this outcome? When will you start to make these changes? Will you put a time line on the execution of this plan and get someone to hold you accountable for its execution?    

 

“Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.”

-James 1: 23-24

 

 

Being “The Boss Man” is a position that may are called to but few are the chosen to be the ones who truly lead, inspire, nurture and bring out the best in the people they lead. This is a hard reality for all of us to accept. No matter how many books on leadership we may read, attend leadership workshops and seminars and learn the latest leadership strategies and paradigms, we’ll never quite become self actualizing leaders that bring out the best in others and ourselves if we fail to practice the Mirror Principle. The Mirror Principle starts with a single digit number; the number “ONE” and that one is you and it’s the very number which can make the biggest change in the world!

 

 

Happy “Boss Man” Day!

 

I hope that this short video by Colin Powell inspires you in becoming an exceptional “Boss Man.”

 

The Essence of Leadership

 

Stay committed to transcending, transforming and transferring value back to your world!

Catch new blogs fortnightly at let us know what you think below.

 

Conrad Rozario is the founder of Alchemy Resources, a cutting edge human potential and peak performance development company in Malaysia. He has more than 15 years experience in people development from the diverse fields of Sales, Marketing, Customer Engagement and Service, Business Management and Talent Development. He is a Certified & Licensed Neuro Semantics and Neuro-Linguistics Programming (NLP) Trainer from the International Society of Neuro – Semantics, USA, a Master Practitioner in Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS, USA) and a Language and Behavior Profiling for Coaching Practitioner. He holds a MBA from Gordon University, Illinois, USA.

“Superman like returns”

Posted by: admin  :  Category: Neuro Semantics, NLP, Personal Development

Have you watched the movie “Super Man” or at least watched the cartoon by that same name? I bet most of us have. “Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound….it’s bird, it’s a plane its….”, that’s right, go ahead and complete the phase. So, what’s so “super” about this guy? He was super because he had super strength, vision, speed, hearing, breath and flight capabilities and was invulnerable to attacks, except where kryptonite was concerned. In other words, no matter what the external situation or threat was, he remained in an empowered mind- body – emotional state that enabled him to attain his intended outcome. That’s what I call “superman like returns” that pays dividends for ones self confidence, self efficacy and self determination; feeling empowered to execute ones plans, strategies and initiatives regardless of the external circumstances. 

 

 

 

Would you like to enjoy similar “superman like returns”? To feel empowered with a mind, body and emotional state of self confidence, self efficacy and self determination?      

 

What is I told you that you could? Would you believe me? Or would you think that I’m just another “crazy nut job”? The alternative would be just like the “Average Joe or Jane” who is victim of his or her circumstances, a pawn in the messy game of being influenced and “moved” by the opinions, moods, behavior, words and emotions of others, being influenced by the sum total of external stimuli, be it traffic jams, delays at the pay out counter, nasty drivers, obnoxious customers, colleagues, supervisors, relatives, siblings and friends, etc. Does this and appealing to you? Or…

 Would you like to have similar “superman like returns”? To feel empowered with a mind, body and emotional state of self confidence, self efficacy and self determination?      

 

Would you like to have such abilities that enable you to master you “internal” distractions and states, be it old distracting memories, irrational or superstitious fears, pet mental self sabotaging games and cluttered thinking that lead to performance anxiety whenever you want to execute your highest and best intentions? That would really be beneficial, wouldn’t it? So….    

 

Would you like to have similar “superman like returns”? To feel empowered with a mind, body and emotional state of self confidence, self efficacy and self determination?      

 

If your answer is “yes”, then allow me to reveal to one of the simplest but profound strategies taught in Neuro Linguistic Programming, which is the skill of creating resourceful states of mind that can be used at will to help you produce your intended behavior, skill, strategy or competency no matter what the external circumstances maybe. Creating resourceful states to override your old outdated states that hinder you from performing your highest and best intentions: much like “Superman”, giving you the internal resources required to develop empowering mind- body – emotional states for greater self confidence, efficacy and determination.

 

“Concentration and mental toughness are the margins of victory.”

-Bill Russell

 

Ok, let’s jump into it right away. First of all, what is a “state”? Simply put, a state is a dynamic mind – body – emotional loop that creates an experiential energy field in us. Let me explain.

 

Our state of mind, meaning the thoughts that we have, the mental movies that we play, the memories we access or the sensory information we produce through imagination produces the resulting emotions, which is the result of our evaluation, judgments, meanings and beliefs about these thoughts.

 

These emotional states “push” or drives us, it’s our body’s sense of the meaning or evaluations we make. It is felt as “energy” in our entire physiology, since mind and body are one system. This “embodied thinking” produces an “experiential energy field” in us.

 

Take a few moments now to do the following: recall a time in the past were you experienced massive amounts of confidence, being totally relaxed, focused, calm and centered while you confidently executed your outcome with success. Go ahead and recall that resourceful state, make it big in your mind, magnify what you are seeing, hearing and feeling, what you were saying to yourself. Fully step into that experience and bath yourself in it, enjoying that deep sense of massive confidence. Close your eyes, relax and do this little exercise now, its will help you, master this simple strategy. Enjoy the experience.  

 

 

“He who has so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition will waste his life in fruitless efforts.” 

-Samuel Johnson

 

You have just experienced a state! (You always have because we are always in a state.)  Was that easy and fun? You bet, and that’s how easy executing this strategy can be! Did you feel the “experiential energy field” of the state when your entire physiology embodied confidence? It is real is it not? And for a moment, you enjoyed “superman like returns”, did you not, feeling an empowered state of mind- body and emotions.  

 

Learning to manage our states is absolutely important because much of what we do and the quality of their out come is “state dependent”; meaning that the states we are in governs and controls our learning, memory, perception, communication and behavior. You can also call your states your “emotional expectation set” or “mood states” (L. Michael Hall, PhD, “The Sourcebook of Magic”) and you know how these can influence you if not mastered! The benefit of state management truly gives you “superman like returns”!

 

Take for example, you about to take an important exam and as you walk into the exam hall, you start to think of a time when you failed an examination back in grade school. Suddenly you are that “small kid” again, feeling nervous, anxious, fearful that you’ll make all the same mistakes, etc. Question: would this be a resourceful state to be in just before an exam?     

 

“So often time it happens, we all live our life in chains, and we never even know we have the key.”

 -The Eagles, “Already Gone”

 

Now, having understood what a state is and having experienced it, we can now move on to learn how to develop the capability of capturing and creating  resourceful states and placing them exactly where we want them and when we want them, regardless of our external circumstances. No doubt, this will also give us the ability to produce greater influence over our internal states and its ecology.

 

Accessing resourceful states, cataloging and anchoring them in order to access and apply them for peak performance when you need them is your first step. The amount of resourceful states that we already have is enormous, the only problem is that we do not access them, amplify them, consciously apply and appropriate them to make “the difference” for us. So how can we access, catalogue and anchor resourceful states?

 

 

We can do this in 3 basic ways:

A. Using your memory. How? Simply like recalling a time when you experienced the resourceful state, much like what you did a few moments ago. We can use our memory as the data base to access times (states) when we felt massively confident, calm, peaceful, focused, courageous, playful, creative, persevering, assertive, etc. Once we identify the memory, we recall and access that state.

 

B. Using your imagination. How? By just imagining! “What would it like if you could experience being confidently assertive and self assured? What would things look like, sound like, feel like to you if you fully and completely step into this resourced state…just imagine it fully and allow yourself to fully experience it. What can you do to enhance this even further?” There you go, that was fun, wasn’t it. Once we do this, we have accessed another resourceful state! Kids are good at doing this, we were once kids and we can learn to do it again.

 

C. By copying or modeling. How?  Do you know anyone who has the resourceful state that you are looking for? Example, President Barak Obama for his sense of confident assertiveness on stage or whenever he is giving a speech. Just see, hear and feel him experiencing that state, now take a step into his embodied experience. Now, fully amplify what you’ll feel, hear and see….now, that’s fun, wasn’t it? There you go; you have now accessed another resourceful state of excellence. 

 

Once you have accessed the resourceful states you can go on to program that resourceful state into a future situation that you want to generate peak performance. How do you do that? It’s really quite simple, here we go…….

 

 

1. Think of a situation in the future, it can be any situation, which you need more resourcefulness in order to generate the kind of performance you desire. (One where you may need more confidence, focus, creativity, pleasure, relaxation, compassion, etc.)

 

2. Relax and set yourself at ease as you prepare to access the resourceful state you require. This is fun so enjoy the process.

 

3. Remember, imagine or model the time (person) when you felt _X_ state. See what you see, hear what you hear and feel what you feel, fully step into the experience and amplify them. Make what you are seeing bigger and brighter, what you hear louder and feeling stronger. Amplify, amplify and amplify. Allow this feeling to bath your whole body, imagine it lighting you up from head to toe. When this feelings peaks, anchor it by squeezing your thumb and index finger together.

 

4. Break state. Get up and walk around and wash your face.

 

5. Now, test your anchor again by squeezing your thumb and index finger together. If you have done the steps above well, the state will automatically return. If it does, access it again, amplify it and anchor it again. If it does not, just repeat the steps above.

 

6. Now think of that situation where you need this resourceful state, (Step 1), where it would be useful.

 

7. Imagine the situation where and when you would like this state to kick in. Example, just before you give a business presentation, playing a game, going to the gym, walking into the interview room, sitting for an exam, etc.

 

8. Once you are at that point, squeezing your thumb and index finger together and fire the resourceful state and imagine it flooding your whole body. There you go; you have already programmed a resourceful state into the future!

 

“I’m not a prophet or a stone aged man, just a mortal with potential of superman.”

-David Bowie

 

All you have to do now is to repeat the anchor and when the situation comes, firing the resourceful state and experiencing “superman like returns”, enabling you to execute your intended strategies, skills and competencies regardless of the external situation or circumstances with the required empowered state, “accessing the difference that makes the difference”!

 

 

“Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine.” 

-Anthony J. D’Angelo, The College Blue Book

                                                              

When you develop your capability to state manage, to access, amplify and apply resourceful states at will, where and when you need them to help you access “the difference that makes”, then much like Clark Kent, you’ll be able to switch to your resourceful state at will, where and when you want it with precision to help you generate the kind of behavior you desire without even needing a phone booth to change into your “Superman” under gear, enjoying “superman like returns” with an empowered mind, body  and emotional state!            

 

Would you like to have similar “superman like returns”? To feel empowered with a mind, body and emotional state of self confidence, self efficacy and self determination?

 

“In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.” 

-Albert Camus, Lyrical and Critical Essays 

 

Hope you enjoy the clip below, evidence that anyone can learn to access empowered states to generate the kind of performance we are potentially capable off!

   

 

 

 

Stay committed to transcending, transforming and transferring value back to your world!

Catch new blogs fortnightly at let us know what you think below.

Conrad Rozario is the founder of Alchemy Resources, a cutting edge human potential and peak performance development company in Malaysia. He has more than 15 years experience in people development from the diverse fields of Sales, Marketing, Customer Engagement and Service, Business Management and Talent Development. He is a Certified & Licensed Neuro Semantics and Neuro-Linguistics Programming (NLP) Trainer from the International Society of Neuro – Semantics, USA, a Master Practitioner in Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS, USA) and a Language and Behavior Profiling for Coaching Practitioner. He holds a MBA from Gordon University, Illinois, USA.