The Voice

Posted by: admin  :  Category: Neuro Semantics, NLP, Personal Development

You get up in the morning and the first thing you hear is that familiar voice that you heard last night before you fell asleep, tired and exhausted. In fact you realize that you feel the same way as you did when you fell asleep last night, tired and exhausted! THE VOICE in your head, perhaps in mono or stereo, whispers and then shouts out a self condemning mantra, a litany of self depreciating accusations, judgments, “shoulds”  and doubts that leaves you feeling terribly discounted!


A prominent and successful lawyer receives a phone call from a potential client, asking for much needed help which he is specialized and experienced in and suddenly, THE VOICE starts saying, “What if I make the wrong call? What if this time you fail? You have before. You are a terrible lawyer, how on earth did you decide to become one in the first place?”


A successful professional sales person receives news that a deal he has been working on for the past 3 weeks fell through and, despite his 25 years of success in the field, he hears THE VOICE saying, “You are a looser. You just can’t cut those big deals any more, can you? You’ll never be able to, you were just lucky the last time. Its time to quit before you face more shame and humiliation, you stupid, good for nothing looser!”


An attractive teenager looks at herself in the mirror and hears THE VOICE, “Look at yourself; you are so fat, ugly and short. Everybody around you is attractive accept you. You’ll never be attractive or find a boy friend.”    


Have you heard THE VOICE? Some call it the Inner Critic, that nagging voice which stands out and grabs out attention, which has been with us for as long as we can remember. It brings with it a vague to harsh feelings of discomfort as it spits out a caustic commentary of our flaws, doubts and uselessness, putting us down 24/7.  



“There is only one wound of the mental body, and that is the wound of self-criticism or self-judgment”

-Dick Olney


THE VOICE, or our Inner Critic, is something many of us carry in our heads. It’s not a strange phenomenon, an indication that we are mentally ill or “crazy”. It’s pretty normal but it can plague us with massive discomfort, doubts and insecurity no matter how successful, experienced, attractive and talented we maybe. When left unchecked, it can short circuit our plans to realize our dreams for happiness, joy and spontaneity. It kills creativity, experimentation and subdues our quest for mastery, “straight jacketing” us in a world preoccupied with our flaws and choked with unrealistic expectations.


“You had a friend who talked to you like you sometimes talk to yourself, would you continue to hang around with that person?”

-Rob Bremer


Have you heard THE VOICE?


The question to be asked is, “Is you Inner Critic harsh?” Here in lies the dilemma. For many of us, THE VOICE has been our only mental compass for as long and we can remember. We somehow inherited it from our past and many believe that it is responsible for whatever they have achieved thus far. Some successful folks I know seem to attribute their success to it but, it plagues their future endeavors with harsh judgments, impossible standards and unrelenting fear!


“Self-criticism or self-judgment is self-hatred. It will always hurt you. There is no exception to that.”

-Dick Olney


So, when is THE VOICE deemed “too critical”? Well, if you are experiencing some of the symptoms voiced above, your Inner Critic may just be pushing you around and punching you silly with unrealistic and dehumanizing expectations, harsh judgments and paralyzing fears.  Another way you can answer this question is to do the simple assessment below. Go head and spend some time answering it.





Welcome back. So have you got your score? If you Inner Critic is not harsh, just quite reading this blog for this week and take a chill pill, you are doing fine. If not, read on. Now, our task is not to go on a psychological archeology of our past to see how we inherited our Inner Critic. That’s a total waste of time, trust me. In fact, it can even make things worse! So relax, love and embrace yourself as you are now and just follow the steps below:



1. Start by first embracing, accepting and appreciating THE VOICE, your Inner Critic. Realize that they are just thought. They are not you. You are more than your thoughts, emotions, habits and behaviors. Become aware and stay awake to this truth.  


“Your thoughts come automatically. It is to the extent you identify with them that they make you their slave. You become the mistress of your thoughts, not when you can control the machine, but when you do not identify with it.”

-Dick Olney


2. Track up and identify the “higher positive intentions” of these critical thought. For example, if you have the unrealistic expectation to get things perfectly right the first time, tracking its higher positive intention may just lead you to the positive intention and desire to do things right, not to waste time or resources or maybe even to learn to do something well. If it tells you that you are stupid, well the positive intention maybe to help you avoid errors.


3. Pull out this “positive intention” and claim it. This itself will start to silence THE VOICE, your Inner Critic, especially if you are in the habit of getting into a dialogue or argument with it. Incidentally, did I mention never to do such a thing?  Don’t waste your time because you’ll always end up loosing! 


4. Next, evaluate the harsh judgments, meanings, the impossible standards, values, criteria and the fears. Are they arbitrary, unrealistic, irrational, superstitious, cruelly inhuman or fair? My guess it that they are arbitrary, unrealistic, irrational, superstitious, and cruelly inhuman! If they are, erase these judgments, impossible standards and courageously push the superstitious fears aside. Remember that you have already claimed their “positive intentions” and rendered them powerless.


5. Redefine and set new standards, values, expectations, judgments, criteria, understandings and meaning that are yours and that fit your reality, one that’s fair and kind. NOW TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEM. Own them.


6. Embrace fallibility. Welcome it and make it part of your being, part of being you. Then bless all your redefined standards, values, expectations, judgments, criteria and understandings with them.


7. Next, bless them with a sense of flexibility, fun, adventure and a commitment to lovingly grow and evolve, actualizing your unique potential, individuality, character, personality and voice. 


8. Now dress these up as your new warm, approachable, fair, positive, truthful, compassionate, forgiving, caring, loving, considerate, accepting, courageous, supportive, assertive, calm, smiling, knowledgeable best friend who has all the “higher positive intentions” in mind for you. This is your NEW VOICE; give it a cheerful, encouraging and embracing tone. Hear it, feel it and see it in your head, in your entire neurology. See it being your new loving companion in the days, weeks and years to come. Does it feel ecological? If it does, enjoy this newness, warmness and comfort of your NEW VOICE.


“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart.  Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”

 -Carl Jung


Keep nurturing this NEW VOICE, your new Inner Cheer Leader, guide and best friend. Imagine how much better and richer your life and experiences would be, the fun, excitement, adventure and spontaneity it would generate deep within your neurology. The deep sense of peace and fulfillment you’ll encounter in the quest to actualize your best and highest intentions in a loving and gentle way that embraces your fallibility and esteems your integral worth and value as a human person not only created in the image of the divine but whose presence dwells within. This will be your NEW VOICE.



“Om Namah Shivaya, meaning,

I honor the divinity that resides within me.”

— Elizabeth Gilbert


There’s just one more thing you can do. Inoculate your self from the negative suggestions, “shoulds” and “musts” of others. How do you do that? By simply learning to build healthy and strong external boundaries that differentiates the opinions, values, expectations and beliefs of others from yours. Never allow others to impose their maps on you and neither should you. Inoculate yourself too from your old harsh and cruel inner critic, ignore it as it looses its hold and grip on you. This is how you build strong internal boundaries. Want an example of how this is done? Simple watch the clip below and see how Smeagol does it. One last thing though……


Have you heard your NEW VOICE?


A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner:

“Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time.”

When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, ”The one I feed the most.”

- Native American Wisdom




Stay committed to transcending, transforming and transferring value back to your world!


Catch new blogs fortnightly at let us know what you think below.

Conrad Rozario is the founder of Alchemy Resources, a cutting edge human potential and peak performance development company. He has more than 15 years experience in people development from the diverse fields of Sales, Marketing, Customer Engagement and Service, Business Management and Talent Development. He is a Certified & Licensed Neuro Semantics  and Neuro-Linguistics Programming (NS-NLP) Trainer from the International Society of Neuro – Semantics, USA, a Master Practitioner in Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS, USA) and a Language and Behavior Profiling for Coaching Practitioner. He holds a MBA from Gordon University, Illinois, USA and he is currently based in Malaysia.

What the world needs now

Posted by: admin  :  Category: Neuro Semantics, NLP, Personal Development

What does the world need most today?

Does it need more educated folks? Better and cheaper medicine for everyone? Better employment opportunities? Abundant food supplies to feed the starving and under nourished? Better governance from an uncorrupted government that truly cares for the needs of its people? Economics that is free of greed?  A more caring society………

So, what do you reckon does the world needs now?

While all the above are desirable and needed, I believe that what the world needs NOW, and in pristine quality, is GOOD LEADERSHIP! I believe that GOOD LEADERSHIP is the very quality that can drive all “needs” cited and deliver them in a way that serves the best interest humanity. In fact I believe that everything rises and falls on leadership.

If you still read the newspapers or catch the news, you’ll see evidence of what I call, “Leadership Leprosy”. From the American Dept Crisis, the European Economic Situation, the sickening riots in England, to the Middle East Uprising, the IMF, environment degradation, the plight of Africa and diseases such a AIDS; right to the local scene where corruption, the lack of proper governance, gutter politics and irresponsible business practices that leave a gaping hole in the heart and soul of humanity: we see, smell, taste and feel the symptoms of “Leadership Leprosy.”

We see this disease in family relationships that leaves many orphaned, alone, abused, abandoned, hurt and neglected. We see this disease in religious institutions or organizations where bigotry rare it’s ugly, in racism practiced by governments that give preference to a selected group and in a brand of politics that manipulates, lies and deceives.  

Have you personally experienced the effects of “Leadership Leprosy”? If you live in Malaysia, then all you have to do is to take a drive and soon you’ll see folks double and triple parking, overtaking at the double line, parking illegally, making illegal U turns, beating the traffic lights,  cutting queue, road hogging or bullying: folks who habitually behave as though they are above the law. Yes, those words best describe the crisis of leadership, folks thinking and behaving as though they are above the law; with no sense of personal accountability and responsibility, giving absolutely no consideration to the needs and well being of others! How’s that for stage four symptoms of “Leadership Leprosy”!


“A nation or civilization that continues to produce soft-minded men purchases its own spiritual death on the installment plan.”

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

Or if you caught the latest on the sickening riots and looting in England, you’d have witnessed groups of young people, with no other intention than to cause damage and hurt; vandalize, rob, and destroy neighborhoods. Defiant, boisterous and immature, these folks simply think that they are above the law, unstoppable and hold no accountability for their violent behavior: folks who lack any sense of self leadership!



“An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.”

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Leadership Leprosy” much like leprosy itself, is marked by the disfiguration of ones values and ethics which corrupts ones higher meanings, purpose and intentions. Its debilitation is progressive, and has a rather long incubation period, the time before symptoms appear, in the sense that poor leadership is sometimes nursed from childhood. Other times it is caught by folks who witness their peers “succeeding” by subscribing to unethical practices and, who seem to have “got away with it”. Consequently they subscribe to the thinking; “if you can’t beat them, join them” and hence a sub culture of laxity is born. Others on the other hand, the “silent majority”, simply abandonment the will and character to stand up , to voice out and correct wrong practices simply because they feel overwhelmed by a chronic socio- economic- political situation, giving rise to mass indifference.

Hence we have three broad categories of folks who suffer from this disease; mind you there may be many variations to this:

  • The Stage Three Category. These are folks who have consciously made the choice to live and influence others to think and behave in “unethical ways”, propagating the philosophy of “I win, you loose” and operating from a mentality of mindless and reckless greed and scarcity that breeds a self serving culture. One that’s destructive and which has no sense of accountability and responsibility to the wider human and environmental ecology.      
  • The Stage Two Category. These are folks who want to “make it” in life, make honest and sincere effort to do so, are unsuccessful and then get disillusioned. They then begin to model folks in Category Three, folks who seem to be “making it” and “getting away” with it. Hence they begin to selectively choose to “cut corners”, “water down” their higher meanings, values and purpose and begin behaving in unethical and selfish ways that neglects the wider socio- economic – political and environmental ecology. At the very best, these folks wet their fingers, puts it in the air and tests which way the wind of opinion is blowing to determine their view or position that’s self serving.  
  • The Stage One Category. These are folks who give up their power of choice to make a stand, to stand up and voice out their disapproval of the practices of folks in category Two and Three. Why? Because they are either comfortably asleep in their comfort zones of self sufficiency or are too overwhelmed by the chronic situation that seems “un repairable”, giving rise to wide spread indifference and laxity, signs of poor self leadership!          

“Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.”

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

Who are the folks in these categories?  They could be anybody, from the business owner, teacher, lawyer, politician, banker, minister, president, doctor, wage earner, religious, the volunteer worker, etc. Age, race, religion, gender, color, education or nationality matters not. What is evident is that they are indeed everywhere, at all levels of society. So, “What does the world need now?” It needs sound and good leaders, folks who are courageous enough to take a stand and behave in ways that seek out the common good, build, protect, contribute and make a difference. Folks who practice a leadership of personal choice, that’s not tied up to a position or status but to character, values and rich meanings; embodying a leadership that’s self actualizing and self transcending; a servant leadership.  

“Courage is not limited to the battlefield or to the Indianapolis 500 or bravely catching a thief in your house. The real tests of courage are … the inner tests, like remaining faithful when nobody’s looking, like enduring pain when the room is empty, like standing alone when you’re misunderstood.”

-Charles R. Swindoll in Growing Strong In The Seasons Of Life

So what’s this self leadership model like? I call it the Self Actualizing and Self Transcending Leadership Model. There are four dimensions or quadrants to this model, each interconnected to the other.  The diagram below provides a simple illustration of it. 


The first quadrant at the top is ONES HIGHER POWER: The Meta vision, ethics, meaning, purpose and direction.  What does “Higher Power” mean? It symbolizes the HIGHER AUTHORITY that one submits to, whose teaching, values, ethics, meaning, purpose and direction is incarnated in ones neurology.

Man, as a creature, as one who is created, cannot be autonomous, he originates from a higher intelligents, creative and benevolent power, which “inclusively” created all other human persons, the environment and its resources. It is to this higher power, its values, meaning, purpose, direction and ethics that man is accountable to. Thus, this sets the META FRAME work or META BLUE PRINT for man to tailor his thoughts, words, actions, relationships and stewardship of his talents, gifts, skills and resources.

“Where there is no vision, the people perish.”

- Proverbs 29:18

The second quadrant is that of SELF: The Leadership of Choice to actualizing ones full potential and to embody the Vision, Meaning, Values & Purpose.  Here we come to the area of one’ self, that very center which defines us as human; that of PERSONAL POWER, the free will to choose ones thoughts, emotions, words and behavior. This ability to freely choose the expression of these four powers stands at the core of self leadership. Ensuing from the first quadrant, the leadership of choice is the exercise of ones personal power to actualize ones full potential (to express creatively without being leashed to insecurity, inferior meanings and toxic maps) and embody the higher Vision, Meaning, Values and Purpose given and mapped into our individual beings.   

There are TWO dimensions to this embodiment: the META dimension of embodying and actualizing the meanings, values, purpose and direction of ones HIGHER POWER (the META values, ethics, meaning, purpose and direction that conditions all our actions and behavior) and the dimension of creatively expressing ones own uniqueness, individuality, talents and vocation which has been programmed into us, that’s waiting to be unleashed and actualized; that unique “song” that only we can sing, our life mission which is the delight of our Higher Power.  Together, both of these dimension gives us the richest semantics that must be embodied in our neurology and performed in action.    


‘The purpose of life is not to be happy – but to matter, to be productive, to be useful, to have it make some difference that you have lived at all.’  

-Leo Rosten

The third quadrant is that of “OTHER: Adding Value, Serving and Collaborating in Mutual Accountability and Empowerment.” The truth many have forgotten is that one is not created in this world alone, as a single entity to do as one pleases. One is created in relationship. The Higher Power, The Universe or whatever name is given to this intelligent being, created only one race, the human race. Period. Into this race we are born to relate, discover ourselves, be nurtured, grow, expand and actualize our full potential and creatively live our unique vocation. Apart from it, one can never fully actualize and express oneself.  

Hence the dimension of adding value, serving and collaborating in mutual accountability which leads to the empowerment to the other. If we add value and serve, we enable others to grow, realize their highest intentions and over come challenges. We contribute to the race we were born into, the human race. We consciously choose to build a better economy, society, politics, education, commerce, medicine, government, environment, family, nation and world by serving and adding value. Embodying such behavior is a choice, a choice of self leadership that flows from the first two quadrants. And as we do this, so too the same is done to us in return; the miracle of mutual accountability and empowerment, of community and brotherhood!

“Leadership is not magnetic personality, that can just as well be a glib tongue. It is not “making friends and influencing people”, that is flattery. Leadership is lifting a person’s vision to higher sights, the raising of a person’s performance to a higher standard, the building of a personality beyond its normal limitations.”

- Peter F. Drucker

The final quadrant is that of the ENVIRONMENT/ RESOURCES: Shared, Owned & Nurturing with Accountability. Did we create the earth, the environment and its resources? Did we manufacture it? Can we create another “earth” in reserve to replace the one we are destroying? Are we aware that our time here is limited and that we are accountable for the well being of the environment and its resources for the generations to come, the people of our race, the human race?

The sad fact today, is that human persons tend to think that they can “make use” of the environment with no sense of ownership and accountability, that its resources can be raped and accumulated for purely self serving purposes, and that nurturing and caring for the environment is not our responsibility; forgetting that we are merely stewards of the environment and its resources.    

There is a sufficiency in the world for man’s need but not for man’s greed.

 -Mohandas K. Gandhi

As stewards we are responsible for protecting and nurturing the environment and justly sharing its resources with a deep sense of accountability to each other and to the generations to come. This is a choice of self leadership, and a choice that flows from the preceding three quadrants that together leads one to the door steps of self transcendence, the place of abandoning one’s EGO needs to actualize ones higher self, ones highest and best intentions that gives birth to self transcendence; self transcending leadership.



“To lead people, walk beside them …

As for the best leaders, the people do not notice their existence.

The next best, the people honor and praise.

The next, the people fear;

and the next, the people hate …

When the best leader’s work is done the people say,

“We did it ourselves!”

- Lao-tsu

SELF TRANSCENDING LEADERSHIP is based on choice, vision, values, character and the courage to make a stand and “walk the talk” to perform ones highest and best intentions with a deep sense of accountability to ones higher power, one self, others, the environment and its resources.  This is the space occupied by such giant like Jesus Christ, Buddha, Saint Francis of Assisi, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, Muhammad, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Mother Theresa, Nelson Mandela, William Wilberforce, Albert Einstein, Marie Curie, Abraham Lincoln, Florence Nightingale, Edward Jenner, Desmond Tutu, Pope John Paul II, Oprah Winfrey……right to the that person who may just be your father or mother who live a life of selfless giving and serving to help you become what you are today.

“A man without decision of character can never be said to belong to himself . . . .

He belongs to whatever can make captive of him.”

— John Foster


What does the world need now?

The choice is yours.


Stay committed to transcending, transforming and transferring value back to your world!

Catch new blogs fortnightly at let us know what you think below.

Conrad Rozario is the founder of Alchemy Resources, a cutting edge human potential and peak performance development company. He has more than 15 years experience in people development from the diverse fields of Sales, Marketing, Customer Engagement and Service, Business Management and Talent Development. He is a Certified & Licensed Neuro Semantics and Neuro-Linguistics Programming (NLP) Trainer from the International Society of Neuro – Semantics, USA, a Master Practitioner in Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS, USA) and a Language and Behavior Profiling for Coaching Practitioner. He holds a MBA from Gordon University, Illinois, USA.