Live your life like it matters

Posted by: admin  :  Category: Neuro Semantics, Personal Development

Last weekend I met a close friend who shared with me just how “stressful, tiring and burdensome” life is. She talked about her children who she was worried about, afraid that they might be negatively influenced by “pockets of unethical behaviors” in society. She was worried about her future, if her children would look after her when she got old.  She was worried about her current challenges and “issues” that she faced, which interestingly, she attributed to “retribution from on high” for her past errors. She talked about her childhood and how family issues, even in her adult years, have left her feeling like a “scapegoat”.  She just oozed “a stream of consciousness” of fear, regret, subtle anger, apathy and uncertainty.

 

“I have tried to drown my sorrows but they’ve learned how to swim!”

 

Two days ago, I was awakened by the voice of a DJ over my radio alarm, trying to counsel a desperate caller. The topic of discussion was “Can you trust your man?” OK, I admit the whole thing sounded so “soap opera” like, but hey, that’s what most folks call “entertainment” today. So here’s this caller talking about her past relationship which left her disappointed and “broken” but now she was with this “guy” which treated so well that she found it hard to believe! She still “hung on” to her old disappointments and “hurts” that became her filter to see and engage this “fantastic new guy”. And this left her somewhere in “nowhere land”, between wanting to be loved and engaged on one hand and wanting to be safe from being hurt again, which meant hanging on to her nagging doubts, suspicion and anxiety! It reminded me of Elvis Presley’s hit song, “Suspicious Mind”!

 

“Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.”

- Kahlil Gibran 

       

This kind of lead me to the question, “Are we living life like it matters?” That the universe has put us here for a purpose, to self actualizes. Or are we living like it does not really matter? Simply surviving from day to day, walking around in a fog of fear, doubt, apathy and anxiety about the future, while dragging around the regrets and “emotional pain” of the past? Living life defeated, living life in regret, living life simply waiting for “something” to happen…and when it does, we quit!   

 

 

“In the great scheme of things, what matters is not how long you live, but why you live, what you stand for, and what you are willing to die for”

 - Paul Watson

 

I believe that living life “like it matters” is challenging simply because we seem to get caught up with the DRAMA and TRAUMA of our everyday “steam of consciousness”. We live out the drama of our “lost opportunities” and unmet needs, our petty concerns and strategies to gain what we perceive we have not got enough of or are entitled to “feel OK”, loved or appreciated. .   

 

“The unleashed power of the atom has changed everything save our modes of thinking and we thus drift toward unparalleled catastrophe.”

- Albert Einstein

 

On the other hand we continue live out the traumas of our past, unconsciously personalizing and identifying with them, allowing them to define our identities, the limits of our potential, our capabilities and skill until they extinguish our passion, our purpose and darken the possibilities of our future. Remember the story of my dear friend at the start of this article or the caller on the radio? Perhaps these experiences may remind us of our very selves; remind us of our very own “traumatic scripts” that we tirelessly story ourselves with until they become our neuro–linguistic and neuro-semantic “realities”, leading us to live life “impacted” by drama and trauma rather than living to impact!

 

 

We have to make a choice; and it is simply this, to either live a life of “compensation” or a life of contribution and self actualization!  To live leashed or unleashed!

  

 “Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.”

- Kahlil Gibran

 

So what does it mean to live like it matters? I guess that deep down; we all kind of know what it means. I bet my dear friend or the caller over the radio had dreams to live life unstoppable. They may have been much younger then, passionately engaged with a cause, an endeavor, a hobby, a skill, an interest, etc. that was all consuming, engaging and which kept them awake at night with dreams of possibilities.

 

Along the way, “stuff” happened, folks who claimed “to know better” may have told them to “get real” and “grow up”, “significant others” may have let them down and suddenly life lost most of its possibilities. They may have felt that “living life like it matters” does not really matter anymore. Perhaps it is better to “fly below the radar”, not to take risks, live safe, avoid getting hurt or disappointed again. To live leashed to fear, doubt, regret, sublet anger, cynicism and a “suspicious mind” that believes even the universe is conspiring against them! Living leashed to degraded meanings, to a concoction of self sabotaging beliefs and cognitive distortions that blinds us of our true potential and the vision of possibilities!       

 

“Unleashing your potentials to become the best you can become is the vision of self actualization.”

- “Unleashed” L. Michael Hall Ph.D

 

 “A new vision is emerging of the possibilities of man and of his destiny… For centuries human nature has been sold short.”

- Abraham Maslow 

 

Abraham Maslow was absolutely right. At any given day, we meet individuals living small, living like it does not matter, just “getting by” and surviving. To this, Abraham Maslow, the International Society of Neuro- Semantics headed by L. Michael Hall Ph.D and a host of its Certified and Licensed Trainers offer the vision of self actualization! Not just a vision but a path to living unleashed, to breaking free of our own inner prisons and to live like it matters! Would you like this? Do you desire this?  Are you open to it? Are you really?  

 

 

“There are other prisons of the mind, prisons of the body and emotions….the prison of approval, the prison of the past….the future….the prison of the intellect….fear…..prohibitions.”

- “Unleashed” L. Michael Hall Ph.D

 

If your answer is “yes” to the above, then you may just be “stirring” or “waking up” to the possibilities of living like it matters. Many are not open to it simply because it involves taking risks. They love the security of their current reality, their prison that promises them “a painful, limiting but predictable” existence. Are you willing to take that step? If you answer is yes, read on. 

 

“A man is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks, he becomes.”  

- Mohandas Gandhi

 

What then, would “living life like it matters” require? While this article does permit the time, length and “place” for the dynamics to spell it out (it would take a whole workshop!), allow me to simply specify three fundamental mental frame works that forms the foundation of “living life like it matters”:

 

 

1. The mental frame of self authorship

Who is driving your bus? Are you creating your inner meanings or are they the ones you inherited; “sold” to you by the set backs of life, by the “cruelty” and fickle opinion of others? Do you desire to be the author of your life, your thoughts, your beliefs, understandings, values and behavior? To do so, you must assume total self-responsibility. Blame and victimhood, the “evil twins” of self – responsibility, must be aborted.  This is the key to becoming the “authority” and author of your life. It allows you to assume fill ownership of yourself. Are you brave enough for this? Brave enough to assume the powers of your own God given meaning making abilities?        

 

“As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world – that is the myth of the atomic age – as in being able to remake ourselves.” 

- Mohandas Gandhi

 

2. The mental frame work of “exponential passion”

Do you have the passion to be all that you can possibly be? Are you seduced by the presupposition that you were created to be “fully alive”, living a life of contribution and not compensation? Have you a compelling reason, meaning and purpose to live for? What keeps you awake at night? What juices you?

 

When you discover this, you experience “exponential passion”, that “flow” state that makes “small stuff” of the struggles that the common person is concerned with. You are consumed by what you love, you become passionately committed as it calls forth the best in you, actualizing your full potential! You are alive with the tsunami of “exponential passion”, that seismic force, which will keep you moving ahead with meaningfulness! 

 

“The glory of God is in man fully alive”.

- St. Irenaeus

    

3. The mental frame work of resilience

Let’s be honest. Life will bring us challenges. We will get knocked down. We will face difficulties. Scott Peck in his book, “The Road Less Travelled”, tells us “Life is difficult. This is the great truth, one of the greatest truths – it is a great truth because once we see this truth, we transcend it.”  Folks who choose the path of self –actualization have embraced this truth and transcend it. This gives them the attitude of resilience!

 

With this, obstacles in our path can never really stop us; they would simply excite and become opportunities to evolve, stretch and expand our potential. As in soccer, it is the game that you came back from two goals down to win that offers the greatest pleasure, mental strength and self efficacy!  That’s the power of resilience, the “emotional and mental shock absorbers” that allows you to live the moment, to live with exponential passion and actualizing your highest and best intentions! It makes you unstoppable!   

 

“Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.”

- Muhammad Ali

 

We are created for greatness. We are created to live life like it matters by our creator. We are here to call fort and bring to realization the beauty that resides in us. To contribute, actualize and be the best that we can be! Perhaps then and only then would we realize that one person, you, can make the difference! Live life like it matters! 

 

 

“In a gentle way, you can shake the world.”

- Mohandas Gandhi

 

Stay committed to transcending, transforming and transferring value back to your world!

Conrad Rozario is the founder of Alchemy Resources, a cutting edge human potential and peak performance development company. He has more than 15 years experience in people development from the diverse fields of Sales, Marketing, Customer Engagement and Service, Business Management and Talent Development. He is a Certified & Licensed Neuro Semantics and Neuro-Linguistics Programming (NLP) Trainer from the International Society of Neuro – Semantics, USA, a Master Practitioner in Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS, USA) and a Language and Behavior Profiling for Coaching Practitioner. He holds a MBA from Gordon University, Illinois, USA.

You can follow Conrad on facebook!

The “Phantom’s Menace”

Posted by: admin  :  Category: Neuro Semantics, NLP, Personal Development

“She is such a witch, man! I swear our new boss is going to give us lots of pain.” Wham! These words from my colleague, as he rushed out of the new boss’s office; hit me with such negative seismic energy that it caused my blood pressure to rocket. It was the first day at work for “the new boss” who I had never met before and his words lead me to assume the worst about her, being a witch who brings lost of pain! Seismic waves continued to move through my body for the rest of the day, causing me to hallucinate and run horror movies about the new boss in my head. It went on until the dreaded meeting with the new boss later that evening. You can imagine, walking into her office itself was a “haunting experience” until the discussions started and then the “revelation” happened, the “witch” was really pretty nice, in fact she was very much the opposite of what I had assumed.

 

“Our presuppositions shape our perspective, our perspective shapes our priorities, and our priorities shape our practice.”

- Kenneth Boa, Conformed to His Image

 

What happened? Believe me, on one hand, the negative seismic experience was real, almost trance like as I experienced a tunnel- vision perspective that totally filtered out anything possibility positive of the “new boss” situation. It caused me to float between fight and flight mode for the whole morning. Then almost instantly, the “revelation” took place, and I felt the total opposite! The cause? The power of presuppositions: presuppositions can either positively or negatively distort our perspectives, our internal representations, our internal “languaging” and meanings and consequently get us into resourceful or unresourceful states.

 

“We must never assume that which is incapable of proof.”

- Anonymous

 

What are presuppositions? Well, they are the hidden or invisible assumptions we take “to be true” in our meaning making process for things to make sense. As human persons we communicate and make sense to each other in contexts that are held together by certain “foundational presuppositions”. Take for example the subject of “the boss”. Now, for some folks in a given organization, the topic of “the boss” is discussed within the frame work and presupposition of him or her being “too hard to please”, “difficult”, “demanding”, “inconsiderate”, a “slave driver”, “the evil emperor cum Hitler reincarnate boss”, etc.

 

Now these shared presuppositions then operate as the supporting foundations or context for all communication about the boss to take place. They will no longer be mentioned but be assumed and will form the context for all communication about “the boss” to make sense. So when these folks meet up at the office pantry for a quickie “pity party” about the boss’s latest “awful decision or action”, these presuppositions set the context for them to have a “lovely time.” Now, when another person or persons who does not hold to these presuppositions about “the boss” walks in, the proverbial “boss’s pet or pets, the “pity party” is immediately over!  Even if it continued, it would make absolutely no sense to the “boss’s pet(s)”, in fact it would be “unbelievable” to them. Ah, the power of presuppositions at work: the “phantom’s menace”!        

 

“Presuppositions in language work covertly, indirectly, and unconsciously as we have to accept them and their assumptions in order to make sense of the communication.”

- Bob Bodenhamer, D. Min, L.Michael Hall, Ph. D,

“The User’s Manual For The Brain“, Volume 1.

 

Now going back to the experience of my colleague and me, his words about the new boss presupposed certain painful and frightening possibilities. She is such a witch, man! I swear our new boss is going to give us lots of pain” presupposed for me that there is a new boss, her identity is that of a witch, the criteria that defines a witch (which can lead to awful hallucinations), that she causes pain, the future is going to be difficult and my working with her is going to be extremely and unusually challenging. These “hidden presupposition” acted as the “phantom menace” pulling my strings “unconsciously” as I went into a negative seismic state. It colored my expectations of the new boss, my evaluation and understanding of her, my intentions of behavior towards her in the future and my identity as being a “victim” in this situation, having no choice as she was my boss!

 

“What a man believes may be ascertained, not from his creed, but from the assumptions on which he habitually acts.”
- George Bernard Shaw

 

All of our communications are littered with presuppositions. They work covertly. The actual words that we use or hear convey only a part of the meaning behind the communication. The presuppositions which are our beliefs about ourselves, others, the world, our maps of the world, God, etc. lies at a deeper level, unconscious for most of the time but in operation in order for us to make sense. Every system, be it culture, family, religious, corporate, relational – spousal or professional, etc. comes with its own presuppositions too. For example, if one’s faith says that God is love and compassion and that every human person is unconditionally loved and accepted by God, then this presupposition works positively.

 

Take another example; what if someone walks up to you and say “Don’t cause anymore trouble!” What does this presuppose? It presupposes that you have caused trouble before or that you maybe a serial “trouble causer”. Or the question “Why don’t you work harder?” presupposes that you do not work hard enough.  What if you hold unconscious presuppositions about yourself that say “I am not good enough” or “The universe is out to get me”, what would your experience of work, relationships, self, etc. be like? Most surely, it would not be a party! Now here’s the powerful and frightening part about our presuppositions, they will be perceived as being “true” to our model of the world, our beliefs about ourselves, others, our personal worth, etc! Hence they function very much as our unconscious law of attraction, our canopy of consciousness, our Meta Perspective!       

 

“You can safely assume that you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.”

- Anne Lamott

 

Perhaps this would be an appropriate occasion for us to examine some of our presuppositions about our worth, potential, value and identity, about others, our spouse, friends, colleagues and superiors, about our work, business or career, about God or higher power, about the world and our future, our goals and outcomes. Whatever they are, they are the foundations of our experience of self, others, the world, career, outcomes, etc. Remember, presuppositions are the hidden or invisible assumptions we take “to be true” for things to make sense. For most of us, we assume our presuppositions, even how toxic and limiting them maybe, to be true and suffer “limiting experiences” that we just can’t figure out why. This would also be a good occasion for us to learn to be aware of the presupposition that we unconsciously “buy in to” when we are communicating with others! Beware the “phantom’s menace”!    

 

“We simply assume that the way we see things is the way they really are or the way they should be. And our attitudes and behaviors grow out of these assumptions.”

-Stephen R. Covey

 

How do you challenge presuppositions? Simply by asking these questions:

“What leads you to believe that……….?”

“How do you know that ……?”

If it is true: “According to whose truth?” “By whose criteria or experience of “truth?”  

“How specifically do you assume…………?”  

“Differences challenge assumptions.”

-Anne Wilson Schaef

 

 

Presuppositions can either serve us positively or negatively, limit us or liberate us. They lie hidden for most of the time and they prove to us that our experience of “reality” is true according to their maps. In a way they are our self fulfilling prophecies. However the liberating truth is that we can challenge and change them, after all we are their masters! When we do so, we gain mastery over ourselves and our outcomes! 

 

“Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in awhile, or the light won’t come in.”

- Alan Alda

 

Stay committed to transcending, transforming and transferring value back to your world!

Conrad Rozario is the founder of Alchemy Resources, a cutting edge human potential and peak performance development company. He has more than 15 years experience in people development from the diverse fields of Sales, Marketing, Customer Engagement and Service, Business Management and Talent Development. He is a Certified & Licensed Neuro Semantics and Neuro-Linguistics Programming (NLP) Trainer from the International Society of Neuro – Semantics, USA, a Master Practitioner in Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS, USA) and a Language and Behavior Profiling for Coaching Practitioner. He holds a MBA from Gordon University, Illinois, USA.
You can follow Conrad on facebook!