The Inconvenient Truth

Posted by: admin  :  Category: Personal Development

Here we are again at that “special end time” that bridges an outgoing year to a fresh new one. This year it heralds the end of a decade and the start of a new one. For some of us, this “end time” provokes a review of some kind of the outgoing year. Perhaps we may feel that it simply flew by; that work, earning a living and stress took so much of our time, energy and focus that it left us drained and “unconscious” to other sacred priorities like family and spousal relationships, leisure, quiet time, intimacy, self care and purposeful living.

 

This “end time” may also lead us to the task of resolution making. But what happened to last year’s and the year’s before that resolutions? If you are like me, they were never quite resolute! Here’s an interesting statistic: research over the years has concluded that about 80% of all New Year’s Resolutions are broken by January 31. If that resolution had something to do with health and fitness (working out, losing weight, quitting smoking, etc), 90% will be history by January 15th!! By the end of the year, less than 5% of us will have persevered with our resolutions intact!

 

  “Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits.” 

- Author Unknown 

 

I call the above “the inconvenient truth”! The Inconvenient but true fact that the coming year will see the majority of us repeat and keep the same attitudes, paradigms, world view, hurts, doubts, fears and habits of living, relating and behaving. In that sense, the past year will indeed determine the coming one! 

 

If you are one of the “prediction crazy” types, looking at your stars for the prediction of your fortunes in the coming year; whether it will bring riches, “love” or “that special someone”, etc., then this “the inconvenient truth” will be one prediction you can take to the bank! 

 

Am I any different? To be honest no! Been there, tried it and done that. So why the hell am I writing this blog for? Well, to share with you another “inconvenient truth”. It is that we can and do have the ability to bring some much needed freshness and passion back into our lives and the lives of our loved ones! But to do this we need these TWIN qualities that I believe are the gateway to other qualities, attitudes, mindset, skills and strategies that will enable us to be different and to make a difference. These TWIN qualities are the qualities of LETTING GO and STAYING AWAKE

 

Why do I call these TWIN qualities “the inconvenient truth”? Simply because as human persons, we love to hold on to the familiar, to our childhood stories, our past hurts, fears, doubts, betrayals and disappointments! We love to emotionally hug them and fall asleep to the “illusions of their reality”, totally missing opportunities to evolve, stretch and to do something different or simply do things differently with more passion, purpose, enthusiasm and positive intention. 

  

The whole point of being alive is to evolve into the complete person you were intended to be.”
 

- Oprah Winfrey 

  

Don’t beat yourself up about this. We all do it. We were made with a neurology that habitually does it for us. It follows this simple process: we do something, get an  outcome from it, give that outcome our personal meaning and emotional reference, make it into a reference point, look for further evidence to confirm it and then turn it into a belief, a value, a principle and world view. Once we have done this, it slips into our unconscious and operates anonymously from there! This habit keeps us safe, makes living predictable and manageable.   

 

“A habit is something you can do without thinking –  

which is why most of us have so many of them.”  

 - Frank A. Clark 

  

“The second half of a man’s life is made up of nothing but the habits he has acquired during the first half.”   

- Feodor Dostoevski 

  

Example, if we do something and get a positive experience from it, we label it as good, associate pleasure and desire to it and we seek to repeat it as often as possible. If we get a negative experience or outcome, we label it as such, associate pain and displeasure to it and do everything to avoid it! We hang on to these for our direction in the future; it becomes our “reality”.  

  

Take the example of a dog. For “A”, a dog will mean pleasure, fun and a fuzzy feeling of happiness and connection simply he had a good experience of dogs. “A” is always looking for the opportunity to play with dogs. “B” on the other hand hates and avoids dogs! Why? Well, you guessed it; “B” was barked at by a stray dog. The question is, will “B” ever get to discover and experience the pleasures of a “nice, pleasant and loyal” dog in the future? I’ll leave the answer to that question to you.   

  

‘Men’s natures are alike; it is their habits that separate them.”  

- Confucius, Analects 

  

As we reach this “end time” of the year, we are faced with these TWO “inconvenient truths”. Statistics tell us of one “inconvenient truth” while the other stands as its antagonist. Both however give us an insight into our nature as human persons and the immense power we have within us to either remain frozen or to change. Can we do with one minus the other in our lives? No. Somehow in my experience of New Years and years, we will experience both of these truths and then we will be given opportunities to make choices. 

 

“When God loves a creature he wants the creature to know the highest happiness and the deepest misery He wants him to know all that being alive can bring. That is his best gift. There is no happiness save in understanding the whole.”
-
Thornton Wilder

 

 Choices to either “hang on” and “fall asleep” to our old programming, hurts, fears, doubts, expectations, disappointments, choices and predictable painful outcomes or to LET GO of all that weighs us down, our fears and doubts, disappointments while holding on to their wisdom and STAYING AWAKE to the possibilities and opportunities to pursue what our inner child beacons us to in the coming New Year….to possibility, passion, enthusiasm, freshness, courage and meaningful living.           

  

“Passion rebuilds the world for the youth. It makes all things alive and significant.” 

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

What have you got to loose? What is it that you are holding to that is burdening you? What’s holding you up and keeping you asleep?  When we choose to LET GO and STAY AWAKE, these qualities will then become the door way for passion, enthusiasm, curiosity, courage, confidence, positive dreaming and expectations to enter into our lives. They become new behavior generators that will lead us to new exciting outcomes, freshness and a sense of being alive in the New Year. 

  

“Don’t ask what the world needs.  Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
- Howard Thurman 

 

Which inconvenient truth will you choose?  May your choice lead you to an exciting and passionate New Year!

    

 

  

“Another fresh new year is here . . . 

Another year to live! 

To banish worry, doubt, and fear, 

To love and laugh and give! 

  

This bright new year is given me 

To live each day with zest . . . 

To daily grow and try to be 

My highest and my best! 

  

I have the opportunity 

Once more to right some wrongs, 

To pray for peace, to plant a tree, 

And sing more joyful songs!” 

 - William Arthur Ward quotes 

  

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL! GOD BLESS YA! 

  

Stay committed to transcending, transforming and transferring value back to your world! 

  

  

Conrad Rozario is the founder of Alchemy Resources. He has more than 14 years experience in Sales, Marketing, Business Management and Talent Development. He holds a MBA from Gordon University, Illinois, is a Certified & Licensed Trainer of Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS, USA), a Master Practitioner in Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS, USA) and a Language and Behavior Profiling for Coaching Practitioner.  You can follow Conrad on facebook!

 

A Christmas Riddle???

Posted by: admin  :  Category: Personal Development

What comes around in the twelfth month of the year and causes businesses to boom, people to spend silly, gastronomical parties to be celebrated, red and green colored decorations to spring up and a big fat man dressed in red to appear promising presents which he does not actually deliver?

 

Taking a walk in shopping malls in this time of the year normally leads you to encounter folks  who seemed to be “hypnotized to spend” by the decorations, fake snow and Christmas trees,  lights, snowmen, toy soldiers, teddy bears, candy sticks, cheap sales, reindeers, fat men dresses in red and the sounds of “We wish you a merry Christmas”, “ Jingle bell rock”, “Santa Claus is coming to town”, etc.

 

Now for a Christmas riddle, is this opulent “commercialized presentation” a true manifestation of Christmas? Does it portray the real values, meaning and significance of Christmas?  What do you think?

 

If it was, then Jesus must be the greatest sales man of all time! Let’s not forget good old Santa Clause, a pseudo god, who’ll promise presents to those who have been “nice” during the year but who’ll not pay a single cent for them. His promise will have to be kept by normal folks who’ll then generates massive sales for toy stores, garment boutiques, designer goods, electronic gizmos, flowers, chocolates, shoes, sport equipments, etc. Now you can guess why these malls are extensively decorated during this time of the year…Santa must be a share holder!

 

“One-quarter of all the spending for the year is during the Christmas period. In December, the buying surge increases sales by 100 percent in bookstores and 170 percent in jewellery stores.”

- Paddy Bowie, Viewpoints,

New Straits Times, 19th December 2010

 

Look, I’ll be frank with you. It is not that I don’t’ buy stuff during Christmas, decorate the house a little or buy gifts for loved ones. I do. What I try not to do is to get seduced by the “Commercialized Christmas” pandemic, a product of commercialization and capitalism which corrupts the sacred!

 

What does commercialization mean? It means to apply methods of business for profit, to exploit for profit, to debase in quality for more profit. Capitalism today on the other hand, is ruthless, trusting nothing that cannot be measured and see as its sole end the accumulation of wealth.

 

Now marry these two and apply them to the sacred, what would you get? Apply them to relationships, to esteem, marriages, to family values, to parenting, to love, to anything sacred that fundamentally defines us as human persons that are made in the image of God and what would you have?

An insidious movement that turns the sacred into a commodity for profit and gain; “Commercialized Christmas”, “Commercialized love”, “Commercialized parenting”, “Commercialized marriages”, “Commercialized families”, etc. Its results in empty relationships, extinguishing the spark of the sacred within our souls. Have you read the newspapers lately? Have you seen the increasing numbers of teen pregnancies, abandoned babies, run away kids, divorces, broken families, etc. many being the product of this insidious movement.    

 

 “My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?”

- Bop Hope

 

Take for example, Christmas. If one has neglected his or her duties as parents or spouse for the year, then Christmas would be the ideal occasion to wash away ones guilt by buying expensive gifts. “Peace”, “I love you”, “I care for you”, “You are important to me” and “Goodwill” can be “canned and substituted” in expensive toys, electrical equipment, perfumes, jewellery, clothes, food and drink. Just buying this stuff somehow compensates and makes everything things ok. 

 

It substitutes the “real thing”: genuine relating, reconciliation and growth, communicating, engaging, caring, journeying together, parenting, loving, etc. It leads to the “commercializing” of our attitude, culture, tradition, faith, values and religious.  

 

“No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.”

- Matthew 6:24

 

The Christmas riddle does not just address the celebration of Christmas, it in fact directs our attention to the choices we will make everyday to either remain human or become inhuman.

 

Do we opt for the sacred or the commercialized? Do we make the choice to make Christmas count because of its true meaning and value or turn it into another occasion to spend, eat and drink mindlessly?

  

 

Do we make Christmas a sacred opportunity to heal by recalling the healing memory of the nativity that opens the doors of our hearts to hope, joy, love, peace, reconciliation and goodwill or an empty celebration that will alienates us further?

 

“Advent’s intention is to awaken the most profound and basic emotional memory within us, namely, the memory of the God who became a child.”

Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger,

 Seek That Which Is Above, 1986

 

Perhaps if we look to our past and see how Christmas used to be meaningful, look to the present day reality and then gaze to the future to imagine what it may become, we’ll be able to see things more clearly and make the right choices, not just to make Christmas more meaningful, but to make our everyday living, relating and engaging more sacred!

 

As Christmas approaches may we take time to be “sacred” once again and discard the commercialized…..it can simply be done by being a little more kind, genuine, patient, generous, loving, hopeful, forgiving, smiling and compassionate. We can be people who have encountered the true meaning of Christmas and who want to spread its goodwill everyday of the year.

 

Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind.

 To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy,

 is to have the real spirit of Christmas.

- Calvin Coolidge

 

Merry Christmas! May peace, joy, hope, love and goodwill be yours always!

 

Do enjoy this magnificence rendition of “O Holy Night” by David Phelps and share it with those you love, it will bring a tear to your eyes and enkindle love in your heart!  

 

Stay committed to transcending, transforming and transferring value back to your world!

Conrad Rozario is the founder of Alchemy Resources. He has more than 14 years experience in Sales, Marketing, Business Management and Talent Development. He holds a MBA from Gordon University, Illinois, is a Certified & Licensed Trainer of Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS, USA), a Master Practitioner in Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS, USA) and a Language and Behavior Profiling for Coaching Practitioner.  You can follow Conrad on facebook!

The last 3 lessons from Mum

Posted by: admin  :  Category: Personal Development

You may be wondering why I have been rather quiet for the pass 3 weeks or so…well it was because they were the most difficult weeks of my life. My beloved Mum passed away on the 19th of November 2010 after 171 day of battling cancer. She was diagnosed with stage four cancers on the 2nd of June and what followed were months, weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds of pain, suffering, questioning, caring, loving, forgiving, saying good bye…. and now mourning.

 

During these days, Mum faced the prospects of her impending demise with much courage even when her body experienced extreme fatigue, pain, discomfort, weakness, and immobility. Frequent hospital visits, appointments, emergencies and admission were occasions for much discomfort for her; uncountable X Rays, CT Scans, Blood Tests, Infusions, Blood Transfusions, Abdomen Taps, long waits and cold sterilized rooms brought with it a deep sense of isolation and alienation.

 

Then there were the restrictions of water intake, she was only allowed 800ml of water per day due to her failing heart. Imagine that…just 800ml per day in our climate. It had to be sufficient for her medicine intake which was a plate full! Throw in chemo therapy, frequent vomiting, constipation, mouth ulcers, sore throat, inability to sleep, severe back pains, the loss of appetite, difficulty breathing and uncomfortable mornings, afternoons and night due to the combined effects of all the above for a 76 year old lady!  

 

As the months, weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds dragged on, Mum’s body grew weaker and weaker ravaged by the disease but her mind, heart, spirit and soul were cancer free! During her final 171 days, she left me 3 lessons. It honors me to share these 3 lessons with you which were also part of my eulogy of my Mum on the 22nd of November 2010.

 

  

The FIRST LESSON: the movement from “I hurt” to “I forgive, I accept and let go.”

 

As you could imagine, my mother’s illness brought her much pain and discomfort. She experienced severe loss of control over her bodily functions, her physical movements and even her feelings!  Her pain was physical, emotional as well as spiritual and it triggered past experiences of unresolved hurt to return. “I hurt” were words that my Mum not only shouted out; they were seen visible in her very being!  

 

From “I hurt” Mum made a journey towards “I forgive, I accept and let go.” Forgiving for her meant accepting what had happened in her past as well as accepting her terminal illness; it meant working through the emotions that denial, anger, bargaining and depression brought. This was never an easy journey.  But the fruit of this journey was acceptance, which brought with it a change of how Mum referenced these hurtful events and even her illness. It eventually brought her new meanings that allowed a “letting go” to take place within her.

 

More than anything, this journey gave her permission; the permission “to return” – to return to become the person she really was. Forgiveness and acceptance freed her to become her real self again in a more profound way!

 

This lesson from Mum reminded me about the importance of forgiveness. Past hurts can fester and cause bitterness. Stuff happens in life, stuff happens to us, crazy stuff from job loss to tragedies and illness.  These can generate defences within us that will suck the joy of living, relating and loving out of us. They kill enthusiasm, make living painful and can hatch a victim mind set within us which can snub out the joy living free, in love and in grace. Life in never perfect, neither are people; forgiveness and acceptance are hence the very ingredients which are needed.   

 

This was a lesson on becoming authentic again through the power of forgiveness, acceptance and letting go. You could call it a self actualizing moment, an evolution to a higher state of being fully human and alive even when Mum’s physical death was imminent….a lesson on becoming strong when she was physically growing weak.  

  

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

Mahatma Gandhi

 

      “Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves – regret for the past and fear of the future.”

 Fulton Oursler

      

 

The SECOND LESSON: the movement from “I am alone” to “I will love.”

 

Mum experienced extreme loneliness in her sufferings. There were days when she felt forgotten, unloved, unvalued and isolated. As much as I tried to assure her, Mum felt terribly alone. There were days that I too felt equally alone, tired and inadequate to the point that I realized that I could very little to help her in her loneliness.

 

Yet, entering this aloneness brought about a metamorphosis of sorts in Mum, it lead her to the realization that “I am loved, I have loved and I will love”.  Her aloneness in the desolate planes of her illness was perhaps the very place where she discovery her true worth and value that could never be destroyed by pain, disease and even death; this was her very self, her inner core which is love. She was never alone as she realized that she was loved and that she too had loved much.

 

This gave her a resolute commitment to move beyond her loneliness of her present moment, of feeling forgotten, to reach out and love. Cancer can destroy the body, it can make one feel very miserable but it can never destroy love, it can never destroy ones lovability and the desire to love!     

 

Life is meaningless only if we allow it to be.

 Each of us has the power to give life meaning, to make our time and our bodies and our words into instruments of love and hope.

- Tom Head

 

Our worth, esteem and value is a given. The very fact we are born as human persons, we are a love testament. Life, hurts, disappointments, betrayals, illness, tragedies, misfortune, etc. can sometimes leave us feeling unloved, lonely and forgotten. My Mum’s second lesson left me with a profound reminder of the fact that my true value and mission in life is to realize that I am loved by God and by her, that I can be secure and certain of this love no matter what happens and that I can choose to love. In doing so, I can never be alone!     

 

Mum’s last weeks and days can best be described by the words that she blesses all who visited her, “I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH”!  They were said with much firmness, honesty and gentleness. If she felt that you did not hear her or get her well enough, she would repeat them until they were acknowledged and felt…..

 

 “One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love.”

- Sophocles

 

The THIRD LESSON:  the movement from “”I’m afraid” to “I have courage and I am grateful”

 

We are all visited by fear in life and Mum was no different as her aloneness, vulnerability, pain and physical deterioration lead her to experience fear in intense ways.  Yet she faced her fears with faith; not a caramelized, candy like “alleluia” faith, but a matured faith. A faith matured by the trials and tribulations that she had faced for 76 years, matured by the sacred promise she made at the alter to my Father before God to love him and to raise her children by giving her best. A faith that was built on the promises of God that went beyond today’s “smart psychology”, self help commercialized wisdom and the success principles of materialistic gurus.

 

Perhaps this was a much needed lesson for me.  Life is not made certain by wealth, intelligence, smart medicine, longevity, networking contact, political connections, etc.; it is made certain by faith. And faith did not mean an absence of fear, struggle, doubt and even death; faith means facing our fears and doubts, it’s about embracing our struggles that will test our resolve, mature us and prompts us to grow by grace.

 

The gift of this struggle is the realization that the promises of God are real, not so much our expectations of how HE is suppose to realise them. They are real in this world and in the next and that this life is not meant to be permanent; it is but a passage to a better, lasting and eternal one. Minus this faith, we can grow bitter, angry and be paralyzed by fear, doubt and darkness in the face of our mortality, illness and tragedies which can cause all courage to desert us!

 

“The Lord is My Shepherd; I shall not be in want.”  

-The 23 Psalm

 

This was the third movement that Mum made, a movement from “I am afraid to I have courage and I am grateful”. During her last week, Mum grew a strange resolve, a courage based on faith to move on to what seemed certain for her; God, Eternal Life through God and her reunion with her loved ones who had gone ahead of her. She expressed intense gratitude especially to those who had come to see her, pray with her and who offered her much consolation. “THANK YOU” was the words that always slipped through her tired and blistered lips. Her very last words on the 18th of November 2010 before she lost consciousness was; “I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH, I’LL MISS YOU, THANK YOU.

 

“He who has faith has… an inward reservoir of courage, hope, confidence, calmness, and assuring trust that all will come out well –

even though to the world it may appear to come out most badly.”

B.C. Forbes

 

It is my hope that these 3 lessons that my Mum left me during her last 171 days would offer you much help, assistance and consolation in living life more abundantly. It has for me. I have described them as “movements” simply because they involved a process, a journey that Mum stared years ago and which was brought to a closure on the 19th of November 2010 in a very intense way before she returned home to God.

 

I love my Mum very much. I will definitely miss her very much too, her smile, her presence, her cooking, our little “fights” and jokes….and above all else her presence. But her lessons have left me with a lasting gift…together with the memories of the years gone by which my wife and I will cherish with love and gratitude.

 

The following song is my final tribute to Mum; I hope you’ll enjoy it to. 

Thank you Mum for all that you have done, I love you very much and I miss you! 


 

Stay committed to transcending, transforming and transferring value back to your world!

 
Conrad Rozario is the founder of Alchemy Resources. He has more than 14 years experience in Sales, Marketing, Business Management and Talent Development. He holds a MBA from Gordon University, Illinois, is a Certified & Licensed Trainer of Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS, USA), a Master Practitioner in Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS, USA) and a Language and Behavior Profiling for Coaching Practitioner.  You can follow Conrad on facebook!