“Resident Evil”

Posted by: admin  :  Category: Personal Development

When I first met her, she came across as a person who needed help, who had tried and failed in her business ventures. She seemed helpless and clueless. She needed help in organizing her business event.  I agreed. The next meeting she was demanding, aggressive and angry. She wanted everything done for her without wanting to assume any responsibility. On the third meeting she was insulting, critical and down right rude, accusing me of being incompetent, lacking the experience and “brain power” to help her! Then the phone call came, begging for forgiveness coupled with the overwhelming sense of neediness! “I’m sorry. Please help me, I need your help, I can’t do it without you. I promise never to…….”   

 

As this cycle continued, I began to feel emotionally drained. When she was needy I responded with compassion and assistance, then she would get insanely demanding and aggressive and I would feel “pressured to be responsible for her”, next she would be insulting, accusing and critical and I would feel hurt, ridiculed and “pulled down” and finally the “I’m so sorry, please help me. I need you. I can’t do it without you.” would hit me and I would be back in square one, feeling obligated to help.

 

How’s that for a “seduction cum repulsion” double bind! Seduced by the call for help, feeling “obligated to give my best” and at the same time repulsed by the sense of being controlled by demands to be “responsible for” and then abused by insults! This experience left me feeling pretty messed up, turned inside out, trapped and emotionally sucked dried, zombielike.  

 

 

What I learned from this experience, after much reading, self accessing and sharing, is that there are plenty of individuals out there who do this to innocent folks, sucking them dry of emotional energy while enslaving them! They kind of “fed off” the emotional energy of others!  

 

These individual were inflicted by what I call the “T E” virus, the TOTALLY EMPTY  virus that causes them to feel totally empty on the inside and to look outside them for a sense of esteem, recognition, value, love, acceptance, reassurance and personal power to live their lives! These folks could be a spouse, brother, sister, parent, friend, colleague, business partner, client, customer, religious teacher, etc. and they can latch on you like a virus and emotionally suck you dry while entrapping you!

 

Have you encountered them before? Are in a relationship with one? Beware because  once inflicted, you can get “sucked dry” or get “turned” into one of the “Resident Evil” – the “emotional zombielike”  folks inflicted by the “T E” virus.

 

What I can offer in this article are TWO things that may help:

 

 1) How you may identify them:

 This has already been illustrated in my experience above. These “emotional zombielike” folks come across as needy and helpless victims – the “emotionally beggar” with an endless string of sad stories and needs. They can turn demanding, dominating, hyper critical and controlling in an instant and are very dramatic even about the smallest event in life! They are sensitive, self focused, almost self absorbed!

 

These energies can lead to a gestalt state which can seduce you into their realm – the “seduction cum repulsion” double bind that entraps you with guilt, shame and fear to remain obligated to making them feel good!    

 

 2) What you can do to inoculate yourself from them:  

 -          Know yourself. Build a high degree of self appreciation, self worth, self belief and esteem. Know that these come from the “inside out” and not from the “outside in”. If you seek these from the “outside in”, you’ll be attracted to people with the “T E” virus! You will be easily seduced, hypnotized and entrapped by their neediness!

 

-          Build strong boundaries. Know how far you will go and don’t get seduced into their crisis or conflict. You are not responsible for them or for how they choose to feel. Don’t allow them to violate your boundaries or be forced into their games by guilt, shame, fear, neediness or by the higher values of charity, nobleness, selfless service, etc. Without strong boundaries, you can get emotionally hijacked and inflicted!   

 

-          Be aware of your feeling and emotions, trust them. When you are around such folks, pay attention to your feelings. If you feel trapped, shut down, scared, fearful, forced, manipulated, obligated, uneasy, etc. just cut loose and leave. The sooner, the better before your emotionally batteries get drained!    

 

-          Live life to the fullest and believe that you deserve the best. This is one of the best things you can do for yourself, no matter what! If you believe that life sucks, that you don’t deserve the best, that you can’t be all that you can be, you will simply light up on their radar of “T E” inflicted folks! When you believe you deserve the best and are live life to the fullest, fully engaged, such folks will literally avoid you because they belong to the realm of the “living dead”.       

     

Stay committed to transcending, transforming and transferring value back to your world!

 

 

Conrad Rozario is the founder of Alchemy Resources. He has more than 14 years experience in Sales, Marketing, Business Management and Talent Development. He holds a MBA from Gordon University, Illinois, is a Certified & Licensed Trainer of Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS, USA), a Master Practitioner in Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS, USA) and a Language and Behavior Profiling for Coaching Practitioner.  You can follow Conrad on facebook!

What’s holding you up?

Posted by: admin  :  Category: Personal Development

What would you do if you knew you could not fail

 

What would you be if you knew that nothing could stop you?

 

These two questions may just hold the answers to the perennial question most of us are asked or have asked ourselves…..”What do you want to do with your life? What kind of career do you want? What do you want to be? Do you have a goal?”

 

They are also accompanied by their many “cousins” questions like…”Are you living your purpose? Does your life have meaning? What is your calling, vocation? Are you “really happy” with your life?”

 

 

 

I would be honest with you, I too have faced such question and most of the time I had no real answer, only doubts, uncertainties and counter questions. At the same time I would “conjure” up attractive probabilities that would be the socially and culturally acceptable and that were the “flavor of the day”, like “start my own business”, “get an MBA or further my studies”, “be a doctor or lawyer”, etc.

 

Well, the truth is that most of the time I felt uncertain, fearful and doubtful and this kept me “not knowing” the answers, lacking the courage to answer them from my heart.  It was these emotions from my past history that kept me “frozen” in “not knowing”……until I met these two questions:

 

“What would you do if you knew you could not fail?”

“What would you be if you knew that nothing could stop you?”

 

I am just going to stop here now and invite you to gently bring these questions into your consciousness and spontaneously answer them.

 

Allow yourself, for a moment, to be fearless, to have faith and belief in the suppositions of these questions and to answer them with a sense of wonderment, joy and possibility. Don’t judge or rationalize. Just answer them freely. Go ahead, let go and do it……you’ll be surprise by the answer.

 

As you do this now, just listen to the music clip below as my gift for your reflection. Enjoy this moment of possibility; simply allow it to take place.           

 

 

 

 

If you know the answer, give it.

If you know the way, take it.

 

If you knew you could not fail and

 that nothing could stop you,

 what would you do, what would you be?

 

If you feel like creating, create.

If you feel like exploring, explore.

 

If you knew you could not fail and

 that nothing could stop you,

 what would you do, what would you be?

 

If you feel like crying, cry

If you feel like you know, then you know.

 

If you knew you could not fail and

 that nothing could stop you,

 what would you do, what would you be?

 

You owe it to no one but yourself to have the time of you life

and to feel like you  ‘never felt before‘

To live passionately and

to make your own choices…..

is the writing on the wall!

 

 If you knew you could not fail and

 that nothing could stop you,

 what would you do, what would you be?

 

 The answer to these questions is your birth right;

It will be that “one thing” that you’ll never get enough of.

 

If you knew you could not fail and

 that nothing could stop you,

 what would you do, what would you be?

 

-  Conrad Rozario

 

 “Don’t be afraid that your life will end: be afraid it will never begin”

- Grace Hansen

 

Stay committed to transcending, transforming and transferring value back to your world!

 

 

Conrad Rozario is the founder of Alchemy Resources. He has more than 14 years experience in Sales, Marketing, Business Management and Talent Development. He holds a MBA from Gordon University, Illinois, is a Certified & Licensed Trainer of Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS, USA), a Master Practitioner in Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS, USA) and a Language and Behavior Profiling for Coaching Practitioner.  You can follow Conrad on facebook!

The Elevator or the Staircase?

Posted by: admin  :  Category: Personal Development

Have you ever used an elevator before? What kind of question is that, of course you have! The objective of any elevator is to get you to the floor you desire to go in the most convenient and fastest way. Enter in, press the button, listen to some elevator music, admire some nice folks (or not so nice ones) and in no time you’ll arrive at your destination. Step in, push a button and step out.

 

Then there is the staircase. The staircase does the same job except for one main difference…you do the walking. The stairs is ready and available, it is the path to your desired destination but it is you who’ll have to make the journey by yourself, using your muscles and your energy. It involves your whole neurology in the process!

 

Hence we have two METAPHORES about ones attitude towards life, living and relating: the “elevator” and “staircase”.

 

The “elevator attitude” can best be described as one that practices the philosophy of “Why do more when you can get away with doing the least.” People who subscribe to this attitude have a goal but they kind of position themselves waiting for quick, fast and least difficult opportunity to appear to attain it,  no matter if it is totally legal or not, exploitive or  environmentally friendly, etc. Example: I want to be a millionaire, that’s the goal. The opportunity or way to achieving it does not really matter. What matters is that it is fast, quick and easy, much like getting into an elevator.   

 

This attitude becomes their Meta frame for living and relating. They want to do the least, give the least, not be inconvenienced or stretched out of their comfort zones, resist growing, expanding and self actualizing while questing to achieve their goals. It is about themselves and nothing to do with the bigger reality of the community and environment.  

 

It looks for the big profit, fast, easy, and instant “plug and play” opportunity that requires the minimal that will not challenge and guarantee massive results! Have you met folks with the “elevator attitude”?

 

Have you seen “elevator” opportunities being marketed to attract such folks as well as to seduce other to joint their company? They sound like “Make money while you are bathing”, “Make money in your swimming trunks”, “Become a USD millionaire like me in 30 days”, “Learn the secrets of the rich and famous and become one in 14 days!”….it’s easy, proven and comes with a money back guarantee! Then they throw you a list of testimonies from “successful elevator folks” who took the elevator opportunity! How can you resist that?   

 

Do these opportunities work? Well, all I can say is that I used to be an ‘elevator guy” and that I have been there, done that and was left standing at “the bus stop” high and dry!

 

Then I decided to use the “road less travelled”…the staircase. Here having a goal required me to make the journey to success myself, walk my talk, stretch and grow outside my comfort zone…it is about having the “staircase attitude”.

 

It taught me that the journey toward the goal had more lessons to offer than just the reward of having the goal. It taught me about persistence and the stamina needed to overcoming set backs. It taught me that the higher the goal, the more will life ask of me question about my real intentions, qualities and character and more challenging will the climb be.

 

It taught me that genuine goals, relationships as well as authentic living and relating always served as opportunities for to self actualize, to take a deeper look within and make inner adjustments and welcome the process of metamorphosis to become a better person that is worth of the goal. Goals like these ultimately involved the bigger picture, the wider community and the environment.

 

There are no instant results and quick fix solutions, etc to authentic living, relating and questing for our highest and best. The “staircase” to these will always be there, the goal will be attainable and the path lay out in front of us but the journey is ours for the taking and making. That is the attitude of the “staircase” because you just can’t “proxy your” way to success, that only exist in fairy tales! But you do have a choice for the attitude you will carry ….what will yours be?

Stay committed to transcending, transforming and transferring value back to your world!

 

 

Conrad Rozario is the founder of Alchemy Resources. He has more than 14 years experience in Sales, Marketing, Business Management and Talent Development. He holds a MBA from Gordon University, Illinois, is a Certified & Licensed Trainer of Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS, USA), a Master Practitioner in Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS, USA) and a Language and Behavior Profiling for Coaching Practitioner.  You can follow Conrad on facebook!