“The Odd Guy”

Posted by: admin  :  Category: Neuro Semantics, NLP, Personal Development

“Have you ever met the real you? I mean the REAL you?” he barked at me! I was caught off guard by his question. “Yes” I answered, reassuring my own nervousness and mild confusion. “Well, perhaps you know the “you” that you sell to the world. The “you” of the roles you play in your business and trainings, in your family, to your parents and maybe even God…but I bet you don’t really know the real you…it would be just too messy, imperfect and awkward. You hide it safely away even from your own eyes.”

 

“The Odd Guy!” that’s what I called him. The “real me”….it sounded so juvenile. That’s the stuff for teenagers to grapple with, not grown up adults who have tasted their fair share of “ups and downs”, we don’t needs to be asked such questions, I figured.  I pretty much knew who I am…….

 

 

The next day I got up and run my day pretty much like the day before. Attended my first business appointment and things did not go too well. The client was asking me to do something that I did not want to do. I felt pressured to deliver in order to secure the deal. I reluctantly agreed. Then the client threw my proposal out the window. Man, was I pissed. Somewhere deep inside me, I felt conflicted, disappointed and angry. Conflicted between doing things the way I wanted to and the way I had to, according to “their” rules and expectations.

 

“What concerns me is not the way things are, but rather the way people think things are”

-Epictetus

 

 Perhaps what was frustrating was that I had always tried hard to run things in a way that pleased others; bending, stretching, over reaching and compromising in order to gain some professional acceptance and acknowledgement. Accommodating beyond the limits of personal sanity, smiling and saying “yes” when I was pretty pissed, annoyed and screaming “no”. “Cutting corners” on some of  my core principles and ideals,  rubbing myself the wrong way for the sake of the business and the client’s ever increasing and insane demands.

 

Deep down the tension was between, on one hand, “needing” to prove endlessly to others and myself my worth, value and esteem by “achieving”, “becoming somebody” and living up to the expectations of others. And on the other, feeling dreadfully afraid of being perceived as “smaller”, fallible, awkward, “stupid” and a “useless misfit.”

  

Then the words of that “Odd Guy” came screaming back to my consciousness as I drove home, pickled in the stew of these thoughts, beliefs and rules for feeling ok, worthy and esteemed….“Have you ever met the real you? …..I bet you don’t really know the real youit would be just too messy, imperfect and awkward. You hide it safely away from your very own eyes.”      

 

“Our job in this lifetime is not to shape ourselves into some ideal we imagine we ought to be, but to find out who we already are and become it.”

- Steven Pressfield, The War of Art

 

The quote above by Steven Pressfield came to mind, it held the treasure of “the one ring of power” that held together all the other rings of meaning in life. It screamed, “Be authentic, be fearless in being you!” That “Odd Guy” was no longer the “odd guy”; I was the real “ODD GUY!”

 

I spent the next few days introspecting: somewhere, somehow, sometime in the years of adulthood being authentic somehow got lost, watered down and diluted in the maze of commercialized personhood, esteem and value. A world hell bent in determining and defining what self worth, value and esteem was; by the size of ones bank account, what one drives, where one lives, the brands one wears, how slim and sexy one is, how pretty or handsome, etc. and being driven by fear, the fear of experiencing dips, looking silly, facing set backs or simply being “less than perfect”. The fear of being rejected and labeled as “useless or worthless”.   

 

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”

- Cummings, 1955

 

 

One of the potent dangers of the culture of “commercialized personhood” is that we  unconsciously get into jobs, businesses, careers, relationships, etc. to “be somebody” and not “do something that transcends” oneself in order to express ones authentic self, creativity, talents, gifts and uniqueness: to self actualize! The former brings out the “worst in us”, allowing our egos to get in the way of expressing our true selves and the true self of others! We get “power crazy” simply because we feel disempowered, weak, uncertain and pressured to be “somebody” and fearful of not being “somebody”.  But when we feel authentically empowered from within, power plays and ego trips loose their luster and self actualization become the agenda of the day. 

 

“Almost every man wastes part of his life in attempts to display qualities which he does not possess, and to gain applause which he cannot keep.” 

 ~Samuel Johnson, The Rambler, 1750

 

I have to thank that “Odd Guy”. He was a wake up call. I have no answers to the question he threw me, I only had more questions! Perhaps the questions are the answers to this life long journey of learning to be oneself. Here are some that I keep asking myself:

  

Do I frame myself as being worthless, inadequate, and inferior until I have achieved and accomplished, owned or purchased something?

  

Do I have to fulfill societal/parental/meticulous religious conditions and rules, values, demands and pressures in order to feel ok, to be a human person and to have intrinsic value and worth? Or am I already born with these simply because I am a human person?

  

“God has entrusted me with myself.”

-Epictetus

 

How do I frame my self identity and self definition, conditionally or unconditionally?

 

Do I genuinely love, honor and cherish myself? Or do I fear being myself in all its beauty and fallibility; being “less than perfect”?

 

“God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.”

- Genesis 1:27

 

I believe that to own ones value, worth and dignity are keys to peace, happiness and authenticity. Whatever our station in life; emotionally, physically, our mind, body, etc. we need to accept it for we are already “somebody precious”. This empowers us to self acceptance, to non- judgmentally discover parts of ourselves that we are afraid or shy of, to forgive and have compassion on parts of us that needs it, to grow in courage in areas that we feel doubtful and uncertain and to develop and excel by simply being more and more authentic and transparent. Then self actualization becomes a possibility; where we seek to express our talents, skills, values and vision rather than try to prove something, to be “somebody” and be seduced by the “you have to prove yourself” and “be mercilessly egoistic and narcissistic” game that defines the culture of the commercialized personhood of the day.

 

 “Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.”

- Bruce Lee 

 

Who is this “Odd Guy”, you maybe wondering? Well……I’ll leave him a mystery. He may just someday walk into your life asking these same questions……what will your answer be?

 

“Our job in this lifetime is not to shape ourselves into some ideal we imagine we ought to be, but to find out who we already are  and become it.”

- Steven Pressfield, The War of Art

 

I love to leave you with one of my favorite tracks from Lady Gaga, “Born this way”. Be inspired! Be you! 

 


 

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 Conrad Rozario is the founder of Alchemy Resources, a cutting edge human potential and peak performance development company. He has more than 15 years experience in people development from the diverse fields of Sales, Marketing, Customer Engagement and Service, Business Management and Talent Development. He is a Certified & Licensed Neuro Semantics and Neuro-Linguistics Programming (NLP) Trainer from the International Society of Neuro – Semantics, USA, a Master Practitioner in Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS, USA) and a Language and Behavior Profiling for Coaching Practitioner. He holds a MBA from Gordon University, Illinois, USA.

 

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