“Resident Evil”

Posted by: admin  :  Category: Personal Development

When I first met her, she came across as a person who needed help, who had tried and failed in her business ventures. She seemed helpless and clueless. She needed help in organizing her business event.  I agreed. The next meeting she was demanding, aggressive and angry. She wanted everything done for her without wanting to assume any responsibility. On the third meeting she was insulting, critical and down right rude, accusing me of being incompetent, lacking the experience and “brain power” to help her! Then the phone call came, begging for forgiveness coupled with the overwhelming sense of neediness! “I’m sorry. Please help me, I need your help, I can’t do it without you. I promise never to…….”   

 

As this cycle continued, I began to feel emotionally drained. When she was needy I responded with compassion and assistance, then she would get insanely demanding and aggressive and I would feel “pressured to be responsible for her”, next she would be insulting, accusing and critical and I would feel hurt, ridiculed and “pulled down” and finally the “I’m so sorry, please help me. I need you. I can’t do it without you.” would hit me and I would be back in square one, feeling obligated to help.

 

How’s that for a “seduction cum repulsion” double bind! Seduced by the call for help, feeling “obligated to give my best” and at the same time repulsed by the sense of being controlled by demands to be “responsible for” and then abused by insults! This experience left me feeling pretty messed up, turned inside out, trapped and emotionally sucked dried, zombielike.  

 

 

What I learned from this experience, after much reading, self accessing and sharing, is that there are plenty of individuals out there who do this to innocent folks, sucking them dry of emotional energy while enslaving them! They kind of “fed off” the emotional energy of others!  

 

These individual were inflicted by what I call the “T E” virus, the TOTALLY EMPTY  virus that causes them to feel totally empty on the inside and to look outside them for a sense of esteem, recognition, value, love, acceptance, reassurance and personal power to live their lives! These folks could be a spouse, brother, sister, parent, friend, colleague, business partner, client, customer, religious teacher, etc. and they can latch on you like a virus and emotionally suck you dry while entrapping you!

 

Have you encountered them before? Are in a relationship with one? Beware because  once inflicted, you can get “sucked dry” or get “turned” into one of the “Resident Evil” – the “emotional zombielike”  folks inflicted by the “T E” virus.

 

What I can offer in this article are TWO things that may help:

 

 1) How you may identify them:

 This has already been illustrated in my experience above. These “emotional zombielike” folks come across as needy and helpless victims – the “emotionally beggar” with an endless string of sad stories and needs. They can turn demanding, dominating, hyper critical and controlling in an instant and are very dramatic even about the smallest event in life! They are sensitive, self focused, almost self absorbed!

 

These energies can lead to a gestalt state which can seduce you into their realm – the “seduction cum repulsion” double bind that entraps you with guilt, shame and fear to remain obligated to making them feel good!    

 

 2) What you can do to inoculate yourself from them:  

 -          Know yourself. Build a high degree of self appreciation, self worth, self belief and esteem. Know that these come from the “inside out” and not from the “outside in”. If you seek these from the “outside in”, you’ll be attracted to people with the “T E” virus! You will be easily seduced, hypnotized and entrapped by their neediness!

 

-          Build strong boundaries. Know how far you will go and don’t get seduced into their crisis or conflict. You are not responsible for them or for how they choose to feel. Don’t allow them to violate your boundaries or be forced into their games by guilt, shame, fear, neediness or by the higher values of charity, nobleness, selfless service, etc. Without strong boundaries, you can get emotionally hijacked and inflicted!   

 

-          Be aware of your feeling and emotions, trust them. When you are around such folks, pay attention to your feelings. If you feel trapped, shut down, scared, fearful, forced, manipulated, obligated, uneasy, etc. just cut loose and leave. The sooner, the better before your emotionally batteries get drained!    

 

-          Live life to the fullest and believe that you deserve the best. This is one of the best things you can do for yourself, no matter what! If you believe that life sucks, that you don’t deserve the best, that you can’t be all that you can be, you will simply light up on their radar of “T E” inflicted folks! When you believe you deserve the best and are live life to the fullest, fully engaged, such folks will literally avoid you because they belong to the realm of the “living dead”.       

     

Stay committed to transcending, transforming and transferring value back to your world!

 

 

Conrad Rozario is the founder of Alchemy Resources. He has more than 14 years experience in Sales, Marketing, Business Management and Talent Development. He holds a MBA from Gordon University, Illinois, is a Certified & Licensed Trainer of Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS, USA), a Master Practitioner in Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS, USA) and a Language and Behavior Profiling for Coaching Practitioner.  You can follow Conrad on facebook!
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