Posted by: admin  :  Category: Neuro Semantics, NLP, Personal Development

Last week my wife brought to my attention that the first quarter of the year had just passes and, within 3 months time, we’d be at the half way mark of 2012. Man, that super lightning fast, don’t you think so? Time does “fly”! Nevertheless her statement got me thinking, though time does “fly”, what’s more important is what “flies” out and “flies” into our lives that matters: this and this alone determines the quality of the time passed.     


That got me reflecting about how the year had progressed thus far, about the commitments I had made to myself, to others, to my business, my relationships as well as my “New Year’s Resolution”: to perform random acts of kindness to combat the effects of “global cooling”. (Check my blog on “Global Cooling”, 1st of January 2012). Did these commitments “fly out” the window of my soul or did they remain operative, “dragging in” the positives outcomes that enriched my life?  




I took a quick peek into my “black box” of meanings that give intention, direction and drive to my life, my emotions or emotional thermostat and my actions for the past 3 months to access how I was truly doing. When I say “truly doing”, I simply mean if I had being authentic, transparent and congruent from the inside out to the world “out there” with these commitments. Why? Simply because as human persons, we have the habit of showing or portraying to the world a persona which looks acceptable, good or even admirable but within, we may hide our “true and real” selves which may not be “great or admirable”; that part of us that really needs to be embraced and transformed by our commitments to self renewal, self reformation and evolution: SINCERE GROWTH!


What I discovered from my “peek within” wasn’t that great though; at best, I had kept some of my commitments, occasionally! At worst, they were totally forgotten: I was living as my “old self” with my pet rationalizations that gave me the false comfort that I was actually doing “fine”, in broad general terms,  compared to “others”! This was the part that the world did not see, the “not so pretty” part of my old and outdated beliefs, maps and toxic meanings that remained resistant to transformation by denial, pride, lethargy and apathy.  


“There are only two options regarding commitment. You’re either IN or you’re OUT. There is no such thing as life in-between.”

- Pat Riley


Emotionally, I seemed to be on a “roller coaster” ride. I had lost a substantial amount of awareness of the quality of the emotions that I was experiencing for the past months: emotions that I had come to accept as “normal”: irritation, anger, impatience, fearfulness, doubt, anxiety, worry and to some measure resentment. They were always there, below the radar of my consciousness, running “the show” and keeping me in pretty unresourceful states! This “stuff” stood in the way of me and my commitments: sincere growth wasn’t that sincere!           


So the question that came to mind was simply this: What is it that was stopping me from sincere growth? My own self centeredness and fears: these blocked out authentic growth, self actualization and transformation which were not only the outcomes of the commitments that I had made but also the path to its actualization.


What was the solution? A reboot!




In this blog, I wish to share with you some of the steps I took to reboot myself, which incidentally is not a “one time”, instant step but a process that needs repeated remembrance, application and practice.


Reboot Step One: SURRENDER!


Surrender everything once again to your higher power, whatever you wish to call or understand Him or Her! Whatever we find within us; be it our light and our darkness, our failures, lethargy, indifference and our entire lives, needs to be surrendered once again to our higher power.


Perhaps this step does not sound cool or sexy enough for many of us in this day and age of control, self determination and the “worship of me, myself and I over others”, but it is the tired and tested path to sincere growth, transformation and peace. “The power of surrender is actually a powerful method for silencing your ego enough to allow your highest self and true potential to come shining through without resistance.”- Raymond David Salas.



Once we have done so, ask that our life maybe used by our Higher Power for its purpose. Why? Our Higher Power knows all of our skills, abilities, talents, gifts, loves, passions, joys as well as our original intentions and purpose for this life.


“You cannot fulfill God’s purposes for your life while focusing on your own plans.”

― Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth am I Here for


Accessing and surrendering to our Higher Power helps us bypass our ego defenses, pride, denials and pet rationalizations as well as silence our fears which are the root cause of our defenses. I do believe that it is our very fears, insecurities, hurts and the “false truths” that we form about ourselves, others, our potential, capabilities and the world that keeps us from sincere growth. Deep down, we are just frightened and scared, seeking a “pillar of strength” that we can trust and hang on to give us that which we know we can’t give ourselves! This step provides us this!        


“Give up all bad qualities in you, banish the ego and develop the spirit of surrender. You will then experience Bliss.”

- Sri Sathya Sai Baba


Surrendering removes us from being the centre of our universe; defusing our self centeredness, pride and egoism as well as extinguishing the flames of our fears, doubt and insecurity. It opens the doors to a power which is greater then our will power. It’s an act of faith and recognition that we don’t have to do it all ourselves, but can actively turn it over the One who truly has the power to bring sincere growth from the inside out, a power we can cooperate with.


Reboot Step Two: LET GO!


LET GO! Yes, simply let go of the “stuff” we have been dragging along with us from the past, from the past year(s)! Imagine getting up from bed everyday with a 200 pound  haversack loaded with rotting potatoes on our backs which we then carry with us the whole day to work and then return home to our loved ones with the same weight, stink and rot! Finally we slump to bed in exhaustion….only to awaken the next day with the same burden! Not a very comforting thought, yes? That’s what holding on to “stuff” does to our soul, to our spirit! 


But, that’s what many of do and THIS keeps us from honoring the commitments we make to ourselves and to others, it keeps our fears and resentment alive, it nourishes our toxic beliefs: keeping us stifled and trapped. This triggers in us frequent emotional “roller coaster” rides!!


“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.”

- Isaiah 43:18-19


Letting go, on the other hand, stops us from dwelling on past hurts: it gives us the permission to let go of those painful memories, to stop clinging to them while removing painful associations, beliefs, expectations and perceptual filters that we have created out of them: remember  that we and no one else, “create, promote and allow” this to happen! (For more on this, check out my last blog, “Dominion”.) FORGIVE, LOVE YOURSELF and LET GO. This will clear our emotional path and ready us for sincere growth and transformation which can only happen in the NOW, in the present.



It is the doorway for grace, peace, love, healing and possibility to reenter our lives; bringing renewal, excitement and freshness into the horizon of our spirit!    


“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”

- Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free


Reboot Step Three: STOP SULKING!


According to Webster’s Dictionary, ‘to sulk’ is ‘to be in a sullen mood and tend to shun others’. It goes on to define ‘sullen’ as ‘showing ill-humor, as from dwelling upon a grievance’; to be silent and resentful because of a wrong done to one.


The key words here is “dwelling on grievances” that leads us to go on a negative downward spiral, turning negative energy against ourselves, darkening our world: transforming us into pessimistic, sulking zombies!


If there is one thing that can “trigger” us to return to our “old selves”, to abandon “surrender” and “letting go”, it is the habit of sulking!     


“When a (man) gets upset he never talks about what is bothering him. Instead he becomes very quiet and goes to his private cave to think about his problem, mulling it over to find a solution. He becomes so focused on solving this problem that he temporarily loses awareness of everything else. Other problems and responsibilities fade into the background.” – John Gray Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus


“When a woman goes into her ‘well’ she is consciously sinking into her unconscious self, into darkness and diffused feeling… She may feel hopeless, thinking she is all alone or unsupported.” – John Gray, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus


Why is sulking potentially destructive?



Because whenever an external stimuli, a disruptive experience that mismatches our expectations, is interpreted by us as a personal grievance that’s has the potential to becoming permanent and persuasive in our lives, we start to send our minds in the direction helps us the least – WE BEGIN TO SULK!


We start to resurrect and connect the dots with our past grievances, moan and conclude that “life sucks”, it is not fair and that no matter what we do, we’ll always receive the “short end” of the stick. Then we experience the corresponding painful emotions that such toxic habits of thinking produces!  


“I have the benefit of experience which tells me that sulking solves nothing”

- Cassandra Clare, City of Glass


It pushes us to a place that is least productive, a dark and depressing cave! Now if you want to know what causes “depression”, well its acute sulking taken to a level where it becomes a persons habitual way of thinking, perceiving and behaving which goes on and on in an unending loop: playing the same “horror movies” and dreadful meanings. (For more on this, check out my blog “Rated Z” which was published on the 15th of January 2012)


So, In a nut shell, sulking is a thief that robs and deceives us into thinking that we have nothing good to offer, that our “whole life” has been one major tragedy devoid of any blessing what so ever, that Armageddon is imminent, others are out to “get us” and are more “blesses” and that the Universe is conspiring to give us a “bad day”, everyday!


What then “flies into” our lives are more “emotional pain” and what “flies out” are our commitments, our sense of self esteem, self efficacy and peace of mind. Certainly such habits of thinking will never lead to sincere growth and transformation!  


“When things didn’t go as your plan or back-up plan, don’t sulk. Make new plans! The sun doesn’t stop shining just because of dark clouds.”

- Anonymous


These first 3 steps of the reboot process help us to get reconnected to our true source of power, set aside our ego defenses and introduce humility into our lives: the very ingredients that are the foundations for authentic living and actualizing of our highest and best. They help clear out the old “stuff”, old mental maps and outdated toxic meanings that inevitable get in the way of our commitments. And it teaches us to avoid a potentially destructive habit that can set us back to square one!


These steps can be taken anytime, whenever we feel we need them. They bring us peace and centeredness.  


Once we have done this, we can then proceed to the next step.




Now we are ready to REFOCUS our intentions and attention to the commitments we have made at the start of the year.



What is the best way of doing this? By getting reconnected and engaged with the outcomes of these commitments that we have made.  


We can do so by asking ourselves these questions:


What are the commitments that you have made to yourself?

What would the outcomes of these commitments do for you, give you?

What would it give you that you don’t already have?

How would it enrich your life?

What would that mean for you?

How would you feel is you failed to realize this?


“Always focus on the front windshield and not the review mirror.” 

 -  Colin Powell


Once you have done this, ask yourself:


How would the outcome of your commitments fit in to the kind of person you want to become and be: to your vision, mission, identity, values, beliefs and core meanings about what you believe you are all about?


What would you see, hear and feel when you have realized the outcomes of your commitments?

How would that make you feel?

Imagine experiencing this outcome now…do you like it?

Is there anything you would substitute this for?


If your answer to the last question above is “YES”, then you can simply cancel out that commitment because it really does not matter that much to you…and we all know what happens to such “commitments”: they fail to produce any results simply because they are not real commitments, only wishes or fantasies.    


“There’s a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results.”

- Art Turock


If your answer to the question was “NO”, then its time to take the next step: INTEGRATION.


How do you do this? By asking yourself these questions:


What strategies have you set in place to actualize these commitments?

What specific behaviors have you identified that you will take?


Have they been broken down to small “do-abler” baby steps?

Are they easy enough to accomplished OR too difficult, complicated and over achieving?

When will you do them?


How would you know you are making due progress in realizing these commitments? Put these down as your road map markers to measure your progress.


If you face any “set backs” and “challenges”, will be you able to exercise the needed flexibility, resilience and aptitude to adapt, change strategies and remain focused?


“Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.”

- Anthony Robbins


When needed, would you be able to freely take the FIRST 3 STEPS mentioned above to “reboot” and remained resolute? (Surrendering, letting go and avoid sulking when faced by resistance, inconveniences and hindrances?)


How would you reward yourself with for taking these steps?

What “rewarding measure” you have set in place to keep you “juiced” and motivated?


Can you share the above with a close friend who could act as your “cheerleader” and hold you accountable to your commitments?


Reboot Step Five: TAKE ACTION!!!


This step is really simple enough; once you have done the above take action, now! Yes, take immediate action and keep taking action to build new and productive habits. Here “take action” is a verb; it’s about taking “actions” repeatedly, consistently and it applies to all the steps above: to surrendering, letting go, avoiding sulking, refocusing and integrating which require “action” for them to bear results.



With out action, they remain merely nice words, clichés that we meaninglessly throw around and which never take root in our lives and produce a rich harvest of sincere growth and transformation.


“To make positive change requires lasting commitment, lasting commitment requires measurable targets, measurable targets requires detailed action plans, detailed action plans requires a goal you desire, desire requires a positive attitude to change your life, and the option to change your life requires WORK.”

- Byron Pulsifer, from Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained


Here’s a secret to the “take action” step, it has another equally important side, much like a coin. What is this side? It is the continual practice of STEP ONE: SURRENDER. As we take massive action, we continue to surrender these actions and their potential results to our Higher Power.


This is the secret to “productive and non stressful” action, of engagement and surrender; unlike the stressful action of trying to control, manipulate and “arm twist” life, circumstances and others. It keeps us sane, grounded and focused on the only thing we have dominion and control over: our attitude, meanings, commitments and behaviors.


“One does not surrender a life in an instant. That which is life long can only be surrendered in a lifetime.”

- Elisabeth Elliot


As I sit here putting the finishing touch to this blog, I am reminded again of some of my unfinished business, the steps cited above that I am and will need to take daily and the outcomes of the commitment that I have made for the year and for life. I have come to realize that both of these are connected, related and intertwined. One is the true foundation on which the other is built on: THE REBOOT STEPS AND THE COMMITMENTS THAT I HAVE MADE: both give the other life and expression. The “melting pot” that generates the results of the synergy of both of these is SINCERE GROWTH and transformation: WHICH IS OUR TRUE CALL AND VOCATION IN THIS SCHOOL CALLED LIFE!


“It takes a deep commitment to change and an even deeper commitment to grow.”

- Ralph Ellison


I do hope this music video inspires you to keep faithful to your commitments and to the path you have chosen; to remain strong and resolute in the face of the challenges that sincere growth brings!


Do take a “pause” or a time out to view it, relax and allow what needs to happen in you to happen and if you need a “reboot” enjoy the process.

Wishing all of you who are celebrating Easter and A HAPPY AND JOYOUS EASTER!

Wishing you new life!             






Be courageous enough to THINK DIFFERENTLY, to stretch beyond convention!


Think RADICALLY and stay committed to transcending, transforming and transferring value back to your world!


Catch new blogs fortnightly at let us know what you think below.


Conrad Rozario is the founder of Alchemy Resources, a cutting edge human potential and peak performance development company in Malaysia. He has more than 15 years experience in people development from the diverse fields of Sales, Marketing, Customer Engagement and Service, Business Management and Talent Development. He is a Certified & Licensed Neuro Semantics and Neuro-Linguistics Programming (NLP) Trainer from the International Society of Neuro –Semantics,USA, a Master Practitioner in Neuro Semantics and NLP (ISNS,USA) and a Language and Behavior Profiling for Coaching Practitioner.